Ascend and Descend

TG: is anyone there

TG: hello

TG: someone answer

……

      The shuddering sounds of static and hollow echoes of my mind are ringing in my ears. They’re all dead. I am slowly bleeding out here and I know in my mind it will not end like this. I’ll only descend, I’ll only travel back. To see their lively faces again and be lulled into a false sense of comfort, but even as I lay here dying and bleeding on the ground, a smile is spreading over my lips. I am a broken man but I am still willing to go back and see their faces in that false sense. Just once more, my body begs. Darkness and fuzzy light takes me out of this world and I’m traveling through a world of colour and images. Memories and pasts that were not long forgotten fly past my eyes in a blur. Soon I am standing back where I started.

      “Are you okay” One of their voices asks but I can’t seem to make out who is speaking to me now. I just nod in response unable to form the words a lump rising in my throat; my thoughts fly full speed at me screaming at me not to fuck up again. My heart beats a haunting rhythm in my chest as I explain what I need to like I did so many times before. I can’t tell them, I can’t tell them.

       My face is pale as the events occur again, I can’t warn them, I can’t tell them, screams the voice inside my head. Forever I am guilty.

       Ascending, I am ascending, but for what price? Descending, they are still descending. None can hear my choice.

TG: is anyone there

TG: hello

TG: someone answer

     I am begging, just pleading for someone to answer my voice. The final blow is dealt and here I am again. Bleeding to the shuddering hollow sounds of static as those hollow voices echo around my mind, ringing in my ears; they’re all dead, its blood on my hands. If only I could speak. If only I could say. Travel back. Travel back again. Fix the time, try again. Descending, descending. Ascending, ascending. For what cost have I gained? For what gain have I received this shame?