Dear Harry,
When I first met you, the first words that came to mind were cute, adorable, kind and sweet. All of the characteristics that I am not. Which is why I think I was drawn to you. They say that opposites attract, so perhaps that was the reason I immediately liked what I saw. Because you are everything that I am not.
The first words to leave your mouth had me hating you in an instant. And it wasn't because of what you had said, but more because you had said it in front of others. But I suppose that it was deserved.
Then in our second year, I was convinced that you were responsible for all the shit that was happening inside our school, and I wasn't shy to voice it to anyone who would listen. And of course, you could talk to snakes.
The words I would have thought of to describe you that year was obnoxious, attention seeking, and spoiled. The feelings I had for you were starting to turn to hatred.
In third year, I resented the fact that you and I weren't friends. We didn't really talk much, well....we didn't talk at all. I guess that was the turning point for me. I knew that you were in danger, but being the type of person you were, you went looking for it. Looking for more and more attention, making me hate you even more.
Or perhaps it was in fourth year when you were responsible for landing someone in Azkaban. Claiming that you were a victim, looking for sympathy. And when we finally did start talking, my immediate thoughts were that you were a bad boy, a charmer and a major flirt.
I began watching you with other people.
How perfectly you were dressed in your robes for the Yule Ball, how you danced with your partner, totally focused on what you were told to do. Blown away and mesmerized at the fact that you had outsmarted a bloody dragon.
The more I watched you, the more I thought I knew you.
But I don't, do I Harry?
You have this huge presence - dark, mysterious, dangerous. Yet, there is a passion inside of you, and that unfailing kindness is still there. Never one to purposefully hurt others, and I know from the many stories that you received this gift from your mother.
Snape would always speak of how kind Lily Potter was, even to those who were cruel, and that's you as well, isn't it?
You can be gentle, but you can also be a bastard, all depending on who rubs you the right or wrong way. I have seen you lose your temper, and it is frightening. But it is also beautiful, electrifying and sexy.
You seek acceptance, you seek love. You seek romance, but you fear the pain from what all of that could bring you. Because you have lost so much and so many people before, you don't want to let yourself feel anymore. Scared that it will be ripped away at any second.
You dance with and fight against your demons on a daily basis, yet you smile and wave, not wanting others to know of the heavy cross that you bear.
You are both man and boy.
You are both savior and victim.
You are both hero and villain.
Sometimes I am afraid of you - but at the same time, I want you in every way possible.
Physically, emotionally, and yes - sexually.
Sometimes I am afraid for you - because you don't see how people use you just for your name.
Your warmth and free spirit, these things draw me in, and I embrace it. Every single good and bad thing about you, I embrace all of it.
