Zekhethelo: Love redefined.

chapter 1: Free at last!

"Zekhethelo Bhengu", I stand almost immediately, this is it! I am finally free from this hell hole. I follow the nurse as we walk through the long corridor, I do a little prayer in my heart to never ever find myself here again, for my kid's sake.

We finally reach the waiting area and I find uMa noBhuti waiting for me, as soon as they see me they both stand and smiles cover their faces, my mother engulfs me with a warm hug and she sobbs a bit. "Come on ma, it's only been a 8 months" my brother chuckles, ma finally let's go while Njabulo also gives me a hug. The nurse clears her throat, which brings us back from our little family moment. She hands me my bag and a sign out form "leave this at reception and then you're good to go".

Finally, the long awaited day, I am finally ready to face the world after spending almost a year in rehab. My family has been so supportive, my brother and his wife visited me regularly, ma couldn't come as often because she had to take care of my children. kid's aren't allowed here so I haven't seen my babies in so long, I doubt that Okuhle even remembers me, I mean he's only 3 years old.

We finally finish filling up the forms before we can head to the reception. After handing in the forms we walk out to my brother,Njabulo's Range rover, he has done so well for himself, he is a neurosurgeon, 35 years old and married, basically the perfect family, his wife is a professional housewife, they have a son, Siyabonga, who is just about Okuhle's age, he's a bit older though.

"My wife's push present.." my brother says, as he sees me admiring the car, I squint my eyes in shock, "yep, she's 4 months pregnant" ,"that's amazing, congratulations Bhuti" he smiles proudly, he plays some music while we drive off, the drive from Pretoria to joburg is a bit long and my biggest concern was that my brother and mother would expect me to hold conversations throughout the way, all I want to do is just admire the road, being outside is a privilege at the rehab, you're basically a prisoner.

As we're drawing closer and closer to the big city, I can't help but reflect on how my life has just taken a turn. Just 2 years ago I was working for one of the biggest law firms, the firm collapsed because of money laundering scandals and of cause as an employee you suffer the aftermath of these allegations. I lost my job when the firm closed down and since the firm had to be liquidated, we basically weren't paid what was due to us, hence I couldn't manage to pay for the bond, or the cars or even continue paying for my daughter's preschool fees and my son's kindergarten fees, everything basically came crushing down.

It all got too much for me to a point where I ended up resorting to alcohol, I became a bottle slave, I couldn't go a day without a glass of wine, it went from being just a glass, to a bottle, to two bottles and just like that I was hooked, I lost everything, the fancy townhouse in fourways, my audi Q7 and Mercedes Benz A45, I had to move back to my mother's house in soweto, a place I never thought I'd ever find myself living in.

Now here's a little back story, I'm the middle child, Njabulo is my older brother,  and Zanele (22 years old) is my younger sister, she is a qualified Educator and has just recently started working, she also occupies one of the backrooms at my mother's place.

My mother is a nurse at a local clinic not far from home, my father passed away while I was still in varsity. I have 2 children, Athandwa, my daughter is 6 years old and Okuhle, my son is 3 years old, they both have different fathers and  Athandwa's dad is actually married, don't judge me, I fell for the fake promise, I was young.

Okuhle's dad is a former client whom I worked with on a custody case, he was fighting for the custody of his daughter, one thing led to the next and boom! I was pregnant, he made it clear that he has no intentions being in a relationship as he doesn't want anything conflicting with his custody over his daughter, he is present in his sons life though, unlike Athi's dad.

"We're here!" My brother exclaims, bringing me back to the present. We are parked outside my mother's house, my mom is already out of the car and taking out my bags and suitcases, as I am still processing everything, my sister walks out carrying Okuhle, Athi runs to me "mummy!!!" Ohh my baby, my heart aches when I think about how I chose to abandon my kids.

"Hello baby girl!!" I pick her up and plant kisses on her face, she giggles. "I missed you so much princess" she smiles without even removing her eyes from mine "I got a star today at school", I'm shocked, I even forgot that life had to go on with or without me, I still need to find out which school they go to, "oh is it?, well done princess" she wiggles out of my arms and runs off inside, I'm assuming she is going to fetch her book to show me her star.

My sister gives me an assuring look "mntase" she says before giving me a hug, I try to take Okuhle from her but he protests with the loudest cry, I just sigh "give it time.." my mother says, we all walk in and it smells so amazing.

"Za, you cooked" she nods, "it smells so amazing" she smiles proudly "kodwa we miss your cooking" my mother jumps in.

The small talk goes on and on while Athi tells me all about her teacher and all the friends she has made. I've found out that she goes to Tholimfundo, a primary school that is just a walking distance from home, it breaks my heart but I am grateful that my family did all that they could in my absence,  what I have learned from being in rehab is that no one owes me a better life and that's why I should fight by all means to build a better life for myself and my children, AGAIN!