Love Kills

ikea

"hello there!" kayleigh greeted the ikea employee, noticing the name tag had 'ireth' scribbled over it. "could you help us out?"

"sure, what do you need?" ireth scratched her chin as she responded to the curly-headed customer, sending a wave over towards her and the goth she had walked into the store with.

"we need a lamp, but specifically one that can withstand the impact of usain bolt's mighty meaty legs. do you have a lamp that has specifically those specifications?" kayleigh rambled, doris nodding her head as the two of them were reminded of last night's events.

"that's... oddly specific." ireth spoke in a robotic voice, then sighed as if it wasn't the first time she had to deal with such a peculiar request. "maybe you should go ask someone in the lamp department?"

"listen, some crazy shit went down-"

doris was interrupted as a feminine scream erupted from behind, causing the three of them to spin around in order to face the ruckus coming from the entrance.

"where the fuck are your engagement rings?" a tall robber wearing a ski mask pushed an old woman out of his way, then held up a glock that he had pulled out of his waist. "answer me!"

"i'm quitting." ireth ripped the name tag right off of her uniform, then raised her arms up to surrender as she headed towards the exit.

"kayleigh!" usain suddenly appeared from around the corner, noticing his love interest was being threatened. "oh, and doris! but, mainly kayleigh!"

"usain, help!" kayleigh cried out, croaking like a toad. "only you can stop him!"

"not on my watch, punk!" usain leaped forward like a ninja, then used his daddy long legs to kick the gun right out of the robber's hands. "no one messes with my girl!"

"shit!" the robber swore, then gasped as usain tore the mask off his face to reveal a shocking plot twist.

"michael? what the fuck are you doing? how could you do this?" doris' jaw fell to the floor, instantly recognizing her platonic friend. "this is highly irregular!"

"michael phelps? robbing an ikea?" kayleigh repeated out loud, then relaxed her muscles as usain pulled her into a warm embrace. "what could be the reason?"

"i need a ring to propose to the love of my life!" michael explained, but it didn't make sense to anyone. "i had to do this in order to show her just how much i love her!"

"they don't even sell rings here!" doris squinted, quickly retaliating. "so, you've got a girlfriend and didn't bother to tell me about her?"

"oh my god, you idiot!" michael's face fell into the palm of his hand, revealing his frustration. "it's you!"

"what?" doris turned towards kayleigh and usain, seeing they all shared the same reaction. "you want to propose to me?"

"doris, will you marry me?" michael approached his flabbergasted soon-to-maybe-be fiancé with caution, then got down on one knee. "please? i love you."

"like, platonically?"

"are you fucking serious?" kayleigh raised her hand and slapped doris' shoulder, groaning at how delusional she was. "just give him an answer already! we're all waiting."

"yes, i'll marry you!" doris widely smiled, causing the group to cheer at the great news.

"kayleigh, i would like to marry you too." usain stroked the side of her face, making her blush. "you're the girl i'm meant to be with."

"yes, let's have a double wedding!" kayleigh accepted, then giggled as usain kicked the air out of excitement. once again, ending the day with his signature move.

to be continued...