Holding Up Impressions

one

*A/N* Okay, quick background info. Yes, I know this shit is old, it's my dissociative daydreaming universe, I've seriously tried so hard to pick a different one, it hasn't worked so leave me alone. Alright, firstly, Thranduil had a marriage before Legolas' mom in this story, he married really young and his husband turned out to be very abusive. Then the actual scripted one of course with Legolas' mom ended in his wife's death. So, clearly he's had a tough run at this so far but we'll change that. Second, Celebrian is alive in this one because I like her, sue me. In this fanfic, Elrond is taller, don't come for me. Also, yes, Thranduil con be a dom all the hell he wants in other relationships but he is a sub for Elrond and Celebrian, I will fight you. Let me have this. Please feel free to add in your own scenes and take inspiration from this book, definitely translate it and you can post it on other apps and websites, I'm not making any money off of this so it doesn't matter, just a fun little story, however, I would appreciate the credit. Thank you!

Thranduil POV

It was getting better, but I still had my moments, of course, with my luck, this happened to be one of those times. Dead smack in the middle of a huge, crowded banquet hall in preparation for Midsummers, I had a panic attack. I don't know what caused it this time, maybe nothing. Vivid images and memories of my late wife flashed through my mind as I desperately tried to both get out of view as quickly as possible and not cause a scene.

Quickly making my way through the groups of people, I could feel my heart rate rapidly increasing. I was holding back tears at this point, my only goal was to reach the doorway where I could finally make a bolt for my room. Suddenly, I caught sight of Legolas, keeping a steady eye on me, then apologizing quickly to his company before making his way over to me. His soft hand gripped my own as the other patted my shoulder.

Wrapping his arm around my side, he silently led me out of the hall and out into the empty corridor. From there, we traveled down a few hallways and up a couple flights of stairs, finally reaching my private quarters. Opening the door, he gently helped me lay down on the bed, draping the sheets over me without bothering with my clothes. Legolas lit a single candle and placed it carefully on the night stand before going over to the large windows and drawing the curtains shut.

The room went peacefully dark with a warm glow emanating from both the candle and the small fire that my son had sparked to life in the fireplace. Once the flames were steadily crackling, warming the chilly room, Legolas approached me. He sat on the edge of the bed, again, one hand held my own while the other fluttered around me, smoothing my hair, cupping my face, wiping tears that I hadn't noticed falling. "It's alright, I know, you're okay," he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear while he murmured sweet nothings and comforting phrases.

Sitting up, I brought him into a tight embrace, wrapping my arms around him, moving his head to rest in the crook of my neck while I rested my chin lightly on his hair. His arms wrapped underneath mine, his hands coming up to rest on the backs of my shoulder blades. "Hannon le," I whispered, more tears falling down my face.

"Mae govannen, Ada," he replied softly.

We stayed like that for several minutes, just holding each other. I don't know how he managed everything so well, I never saw him even cry and here I was, a sobbing mess. Guilt took hold of me as I inwardly berated myself for not being emotionally available for my only child. Of course this only made me cry all the more.

I eventually calmed down but I still held Legolas tightly, unable to force myself to let him go. Slowly, he loosened his arms around me, leaning back to look at my face. His gentle hands wiped the tear tracks from my face before he stood up to help me lay down again. I held his hand the entire time but let myself be mostly separated from him.

Suddenly exhausted, I allowed my body to sink into the mattress, gratefully accepting the heavy duvet that was laid on top of me. Crouching down next to the bed, Legolas brought his face close to mine. I pressed my forehead to his in a silent show of thanks. His mind emanated comforting thoughts through our mental bond and I tried to send him as much love as I could.

Slowly, he pulled away, a small smile on his lips. "Do you want me to stay?" he whispered, straightening up and going to put out the melted candle.

"No, I am well, hannon le, ionin," I murmured, slowly drifting off as he exited the room and closed the door behind him softly.

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Thranduil POV

I woke suddenly from my sleep, gripping the sheets as I came back to reality. It was a simple nightmare, but it always shook me to my core. Unsteadily, I got up and went to the bathroom, holding on to the counter with trembling hands. The sound of my bedroom door creaking open startled me out of my spiraling thoughts. I quickly wiped the tears from my face as someone appeared in the bathroom doorway.

Turning around to face the individual, I was extremely surprised to not find Legolas standing there. Rather, it was Elrond. Suddenly self-conscious, I attempted to quickly smooth out the rumpled clothes I had slept in, pushing my hair out of my face. The lord of Imladris chuckled quietly at my obvious trying to improve my state.

"You don't need to worry, Thranduil, I'm not in any position to judge," he said softly, gesturing to his own, wrinkled attire.

Slowly approaching me, his hand carefully slipped down to the small of my back as he wordlessly led me back into the main room and over to a couch. I allowed him to guide me down to sit on the soft cushions beside him, still too shocked and embarrassed to say anything. We just stayed there for a while in silence, his arm still wrapped around me, his hand on my upper arm, pulling me into his side. I felt warm and safe, I would have been comfortable if it I didn't feel so horribly awkward.

Finally, the elf lord cleared his throat, turning his head and looking down at me. His mouth opened to speak but then shut again and his gaze dropped to his lap. "Sorry," I said, automatically, somehow everything always seemed to be my fault.

He looked at me again, a sad expression on his face, and he shook his head. "You have nothing to be sorry for, Thranduil," he sighed, retracting his arm from around me and clasping his hands in his lap. "It is I who should be apologizing to you."

*A/N* Thanks for reading, constructive criticism is appreciated!

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