If Only You Knew Tamara

Chapter 3/Could this be....jealousy?

If only you knew Tamara 3

I woke up with my head on his shoulder& it felt wrong, I hate intimacy, I know he's my Best-friend but I'm careful not to get too close to anyone. Because I'm scared. Scared that......

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We're out in Paris, because Daniel convinced me to go out. I was reluctant but it doesn't take much for him to convince me. That's how it's always been, I don't want to do something, Daniel persuades me and I end up doing to. One of his many annoying but unique qualities. We get a train to the heart of Paris,where the Eiffel Tower is. I don't know Paris too well, neither of us do but as it seems he's better with directions than I am, so here we are at the Eiffel Tower. I go to join the que to go up the stairs but Daniel grabs my arm. "Where are you going?" He asks with confusion evident in his voice. I looked at him and replied "To join the que for the stairs". He then started to laugh to himself and through chuckles he finally explained himself. "We're going the fast way up silly, come on". I was shocked to be honest I thought the lift was expensive. I don't know how I'm going to pay for this, I only brought enough money for food. "I don't have enough money Daniel" I said worriedly. "Don't worry, I've got it." I was just about to reply to him when he said "No arguments, I'm paying for you end of". I couldn't argue with him, he seemed pretty determined and i really wanted to go to the top as quick as possible. So like he said no arguments. We queued for the lift, the que looked so long but it would be worth it in the end.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and right now I was very irritant and not in the mood to talk to anyone, the sun in Paris was killing me. The last thing I need is a tan, I'm black already thanks. I was wearing a plain white best top, black jeans shorts& white converses. We've been standing in this que for about an hour and I'm struggling to even stay standing. I turned around to find this mixed-race guy looking at me, he looked about my age, sixteen. He was really good looking, I could tell he wasn't a mixture of white and black because his skin was more tanned than that. He looked Asian and black. Pure perfection. He had greedy hazel eyes that seemed to be soaking in my appearance. There was a hint of green in them, making his eyes interesting to look at. He had a beautifully sculpted face. His teeth were like pearls in his mouth and his lips were trapped between them, he was biting on his bottom lip so hard that they were turning white. He was wearing a black bucket hat, a plain white shirt, black Adidas tracksuits bottoms with white stripes and white air forces. The hoodie of his tracksuit was tied around his neck by the arms. He had a silver iPhone 5s in his hand and then he opened his mouth and said "What you saying? My names Jason". I stood there for what seemed like years but was only a few seconds watching him and then mustered up the words. "Tamara......my name". What the hell was that? Tamara my name. That doesn't even make any sense. I am a total embarrassment to women around the world. "You're bare cute you know, I would love to get to know you". I heard him say and then he did the most gorgeous thing ever, he winked. I was just about to reply when I heard a familiar voice behind me " Tams, who's this?" He asked blankly. There was so much tension in his voice, in the way he asked that question, he was so tense as I felt him put his arm around me. Protectively? Possessively? I don't even know. He was acting weird and I didn't like it. Jason replied with an equal amount of blankness "I'm Jason and I was asking for her number. So If you don't mind." He put his phone out suggestively and I quickly typed in my number. "Safe b" he said with a wink. Daniel looked at me as if I had just killed someone, I was so confused what is he so angry about I haven't even done anything wrong. Jason walks away with a wave and then Daniel starts "why did you give him your number? He looks dangerous, he's a roadman" he said in a sulky voice and I can't help but laugh "we live in an area full of roadmen shut up" I say through chuckles. "Don't say I didn't warn you when he breaks your heart" he says in such a sinister tone. OKAY I really don't know what's wrong with him honestly I don't understand where all this attitude is coming from.

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We're back at the hotel now and Daniels still acting a bit weird so I decide to approach him. I go to sit on the cream coach next to him and cross my legs. He looks at me and then looks back at the TV he's clearly not watching, it's on some animal channel and there are two bugs having sex. What do people see in these programs? I get ready to speak when I hear him
"I'm sorry about earlier. It's just I get so protective over you and I'm not used to guys asking for your number." He says.
"I know Daniel but you over reacted slyly don't you think. Mr protective bodyguard guy." I say in a sarcastic tone. "Don't be cheeky with me Tams, I feel like it's my duty mine and your dads ever since.....your mum.....died" his words reopen some old wounds and the thought of her, the one thing I aim not to remember brings tears to my eyes. I'm not going to do this don't cry. Don't cry. Don't cry. As much as I tell myself not to cry the tears spring free unwillingly. It's not that I don't want to remember her because I think about her all the time it's just remembering makes me miss her even more. Daniel puts his arm around him and holds me to his chest. "Tams, let it out you've been bottling it up for long enough" he says softly and it's as if he's words are my undoing. More and more tears roll down my face I can't even stop them anymore. I sob hard to myself and all the memories come back. The cancer. The chemo. The pain she was in. I let it all out and soon my sobs subside into sniffs. I can feel Daniels hand stroking my head and I fall deep into a peaceful sleep.

She looked so peaceful the way she was on my chest I didn't want to wake her up so I stayed as still as I could still stroking her frizzy kinky hair. She needed that, Tamara had such a bad habit of bottling up her emotions trying to stay strong. Once in a while it's good to just let loose. I heard her phone buzz next to me and I picked it up. There was a text.

+44 7036789032: yo b, it's Jason

As I looked at the message the anger inside me from earlier was rekindled. We knew each other's pass-codes so I unlocked her phone and typed.