dear heart

the late night talk

Ever since that happened, Pete has been trying to avoid Vegas like a plague. But it has been hard especially when Vegas was Pete's tent mate and it's not like Pete could do anything, really. I mean, what excuse was he gonna give to the camp head if he had wanted to switch tents?

I'm trying to avoid him because the school constantly ships together? Or, I don't wanna stay with him because he makes me feel things I shouldn't?

Yep. None of them would work.  

Post-lunch, they had a long hike in the woods. It was a team activity so they didn't have to stick in pairs though it didn't stop the student body from gossipping everytime Vegas was next to Pete. Pete made sure to stay at least 2 feets away so he hastened his pace upon noticing that his tent mate was next to him.

"I don't get why you're avoiding me." Vegas said as he quickened his footsteps so he could catch up to Pete who was trying his very best to keep away from him.

"Is being with me so embarrassing?" Vegas prodded but this time, it sounded so serious like he was asking Pete a genuine question.  

"N-no!" Pete replied immediately trying to dispel whatever thoughts were surfacing in Vegas' head. He didn't want to speak to Vegas, but he knows his tent mate was a lot more sensitive than most people know him to be and Pete didn't want Vegas to think he found him shameful.

"Then why won't you speak to me?" Vegas asked.

Pete sighed. "It's not that I don't want to but the school's literally going to kill me if I ever did. They think we're dating now which is worse."

"Okay fine. My bad for putting you on the spot." Vegas admitted. "But why do you care so much about what other people think?"

A question that Pete never seemed to have the answer to. Indeed, Vegas' question left him speechless.

Growing up, he has always been afraid of how others would perceive him so he has learnt to keep a low profile and stay clear from trouble. He was always the perfect student with the perfect grades as far as he could remember, and that was how he had wanted others to see him as. It was how he thinks his parents would have loved him for if he was the ideal child he led others to believe he was.  

But beneath the facade he had struggled to perfect, who was he truly?

━━━━━━━━━━

After the hike, they had dinner before returning to their tents for the night. Everyone was exhausted especially Pete who was so ready to hit the pillow as soon as he had gotten into the tent.

He was tired that he had almost forgotten Vegas was sleeping here too and he only registered when he caught the boy walking in, his hair still wet from the shower and a towel wrapped around his shoulders.

He's even good looking like this. Pete remarks to himself before realizing what he had said was absolutely inappropriate. Pete blames it on the lack of sleep.

"If you could scoot over, that's be nice." Vegas said to which Pete complies immediately.

"S-sorry. I didn't realize I had taken up all the space." Pete muttered as he struggled to keep his eyes closed. He had his back facing Vegas, but he could sense that the latter had taken his spot next to his for he heard the sound of the sleeping bag rustling.

Pete hadn't noticed how small the tent was but now that Vegas was next to him, it definitely felt small for two grown boys.

"Are you asleep yet?"

Pete wished he hadn't answered but somehow, a "No" slipped out of his lips instead. He was beaten but Vegas' presence somehow made it hard for him to sleep. Maybe it's because of how close they were, so close Pete could hear Vegas' breathing.

"About this afternoon...I'm sorry."

Pete was not expecting an apology from Vegas. "It's nothing." Pete was quick to dismiss Vegas' apology. "I-I realized I had been overreacting."

"And.." Pete added, "You were right. About me constantly caring about what other people think. Guess I'm just desperate for affirmation." 

"You're not." Vegas responded. "I didn't mean it that way."

"I know." Pete said.

As the conversation continued, rain started to pour outside and the sound of raindrops pitter-pattering on the tent started to grow louder by the minute.

Pete didn't know why perhaps it was because of the rain that he had gotten the courage to ask Vegas a question he's been wanting to ask for a long while.

"Have you ever truly loved someone?"

When Pete received no response, he grew worried that he might have overstepped his boundaries.

"You don't have to answer if you don't want to-"

"I don't believe in love." And then came Vegas' response and even without looking at him, there's a hint of sadness and bitterness in the boy's voice like he had been scarred by something and that something had haunted him for life.

Pete never intended to ask further. He didn't want to sound intrusive but Vegas seemed alright with allowing Pete to know. Just tonight there would be no boundaries.

"My mum cheated on my dad with another guy after 15 years of marriage." Vegas snickered bitterly. "The woman who promised he'd be with my dad through thick and thin, left us with nothing but a note."

"My dad was miserable when she left. I saw how she broke him piece by piece. The smile on his face was never the same. And there she was happy, living her perfect life." Vegas said spitefully as he recalled seeing his mother swooning in the arms of another man just 3 days after she had abandoned them ruthlessly.

Vegas scoffed. "That's when I decided to never fall in love, to never be as stupid as my dad to actually believe love is forever."

"I know it's sappy as hell." Vegas laughed, trying to suppress the tears from falling.

"It isn't." Pete said, as he turned to face Vegas and for once, he'd noticed how frail the boy looks underneath the moonlight. And in that moment he realized, beneath that front of his, just like Pete, he wants to be loved.

Pete found himself reaching for Vegas' hands, giving the boy a comforting squeeze. Vegas didn't say anything but he held onto Pete's hands tightly and desperately almost. He was afraid. Afraid that Pete too might leave him someday.

"I won't." Pete reassured as he wrapped his hands firmly around Vegas' while the boy buried his head in Pete's shoulders, allowing himself to be vulnerable just this once.  

"I will never leave you."