dear heart

the realization

"Does it hurt?" Vegas asked, his hands trembling as he helped Pete put on the ointment for his bruised arm that had turned a shade purple.

"N-no." Pete responded, but he winced when Vegas accidentally pressed a little too hard earning a look from the latter. "Okay, it hurts. Just a little."

"I'm sorry I was late." Vegas said as his brows furrowed and his eyes flickered with guilt.

"Don't be." Pete reassured, and he subconsciously reached a hand out to squeeze Vegas' shoulders as a way to tell him he was really okay and was just relieved he came in time.

Vegas had done tending to the bruise and Pete had already called up the rest to let them know he was safe. He skipped most of the details though like Vegas beating the life out of his preparators. It was a little too gruesome if Pete would say so himself.

"Ken, Pol and Arm are on the way back to the hotel." Pete told Vegas after he had gotten off the call with a very concerned Pol who was now sending him text messages every minute, making sure he was fine.

Vegas nodded, and then two were submerged in silence again. Pete had thanked the boy earlier, and the conversation ended at that. However, there was one thing on Pete's mind. When Vegas told the preparators that Pete was his, did he really mean it? Or was it just to scare them away? Thoughts like these started swarming through his head, yet he never had the courage to ask.

"We're heading back to Chiang Mai tomorrow." Vegas suddenly said, as he tidied up his luggage at the corner of the room with his back facing Pete.

"Mhm." Pete nodded. They were only in Chiang Mai for 2 days. Pete let out a chuckle. "Aren't you glad you won't have to be stuck with me as roommates?"

He was expecting Vegas to play along, but Vegas didn't say anything. He just stopped packing momentarily and Pete could only suppose that Vegas was secretly glad that they were heading back to Bangkok soon. Then, they'll go their separate ways.

But if only Pete knew Vegas wanted this trip to stay forever.

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After the trip, Pete showed up at Vegas place as promised. It was finals season soon and Pete was committed to ensuring he did his part as Vegas' tutor by preparing the latter thoroughly for his exams. On the bright side, if Vegas did improve, not only would he have excelled in his role, his tuition fees would be fully paid - a win-win situation for all.

But Vegas couldn't pay a single attention to what Pete was saying when his eyes were always on him. It killed him inside when Pete was deliberately trying to avoid him, keeping their conversations short and only talking when necessary. When Pete suggested he came back to tutor Vegas, Vegas was elated beyond the moon but now, he didn't know if it was a good thing or not.

Day after day and time passed as quickly as it came. Pete never failed to turn up for every session, and today was finally the last session they had before finals started next week. Pete's job as Vegas' tutor was officially done and that made Vegas feel sad knowing it was the last time he was ever going to see the boy. He was certain Pete never wanted anything to do with him after all of this.

"There you go. All set." Pete said, as he wrote down some final pointers for Vegas before putting the pen down. "Remember the concepts, apply them appropriately and watch the time."

Vegas nodded but his eyes were glued on the clock, fearful of each passing minute as it meant closer to goodbye.

Since it was the last session today, they had overrun by quite a bit so by the time Pete was done answering all of Vegas' questions, it had been half past 11 in the evening.

"I should get going." Pete said as he stood to leave. He glanced at his watch. He could still catch the last bus if he was quick.

"I'll send you home." Vegas offered to which Pete immediately declined.

"Take it as a thank you for helping me all this while." Vegas insisted which was partially true, but it was more so because Vegas wanted to spend as much time with Pete before they parted ways.

Pete pursed his lips in contemplation. He was afraid of bothering the latter, but since Vegas was so persistent, he agreed albeit hesitantly.

And so the journey back home on Vegas' car which was only 20 minutes, felt like 40 as the two sat in silence once again. Pete clenched his fist which was resting on his thighs. He wasn't supposed to feel this miserable. When he first took up the offer, he couldn't wait for the semester to go by but now that it was ending, he didn't want it to. Pete sighed. The irony.

Maybe it was because he was busy studying for finals, but his eyes had gotten droopy by the 10 minute mark and before he knew it, he was dozing off against the radio playing softly in the background.

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Vegas watched as the latter fell asleep in the passenger seat and it was only then did he allow his tears to fall as he tightened his grip on the steering wheel. He didn't know it would hurt this bad when he had chosen to let Pete go. It was like his heart had been gutted out of him - an excruciating process that burns.

He loved Pete, more than anyone else. Pete taught him that it was okay to cry, it was okay to not be perfect, and it was okay to be vulnerable. The boy never saw him differently in fact, he embraced his flaws and everything that Vegas despised of himself.

And as the car turned into Pete's driveway, the goodbye impending, Vegas realized he had made a huge mistake the day he left.

He didn't want to lose him. Not now, not ever.  

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Pete felt the car coming to a stop.

They have arrived.

Pete's eyes opened slowly, and true enough, there was his house just right in front.

"Thanks for the ride." Pete muttered, half awake. This was the end, Pete thought sadly to himself. After this, he didn't have to see Vegas anymore and Vegas is finally free of him.

He was just about to open the car door, when he felt a sudden tug on his arm.

"Vegas?" Pete asked, confused as to why the latter was gripping onto him. Did he forget something or had a last minute question to ask? 

Then it's like everything happened so quickly because before Pete knew it, Vegas' lips were on his. He could feel the latter's hands on him shaking, the salty taste as tears ran down Vegas' cheeks and the sound of his own heart thumping wildly against his chest.

Pete tried to push Vegas away. This was wrong and he was certain the latter had made a mistake. But Vegas only held onto him tighter, an affirmation that this wasn't on impulse.

"I'm sorry." Vegas croaked and he finally pulled away, only to rest his forehead on Pete's.

"I was stupid for letting you go because I was afraid that you might leave me. But I...I was being selfish.I hadn't realized I had hurt the very one person I love so dearly." Vegas choked, as he fought back his tears.

"You mean so much to me and I don't know what else to do without you."

Pete hadn't noticed that tears had welled up in his eyes too. His heart ached as he watched Vegas blamed himself continuously for the decisions he made, and things he said.

Vegas on the other hand didn't know if Pete would ever forgive him. If he didn't, he would accept it wholeheartedly. He was at fault to begin with so how could he ask for Pete's forgiveness?

So it did come to him as a surprise when Pete initiated the second kiss. The kiss at the start was soft, careful but now it was fueled with regret and desperation like they had finally found each other after all this while.

"I wouldn't know what else to do without you too, Vegas."

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a/n: finally~ it took them quite a while but hey they found each other at last :>