one last time - a soukoku oneshot

one last time.

And that's why he came here tonight. To say a proper goodbye. Without Chūya knowing, of course, but he knew and that was enough. That's how it always has been, isn't it?
-

Chūya looked at the time once again. 21:32.
Right beneath that, he saw the notification that caused him all this trouble. "Come there at 21:15", sent by an unknown number.

He knew the sender tho. Including this information, it was only logical that he didn't even open the message, simply to piss his former partner off.
But by now he wondered if it was just a joke put off for exactly the same reason.

Yet somehow he could sense the importance of this meeting through the fresh air. Chūya grabbed his hat to prevent it from blowing away. The wind pulled on his hair and his coat while he stood there, looking at the dark shimmery water and waiting for Dazai.

Chūya asked himself why he came here in the first place and sadly realized it was the simple reason of missing Dazai.
Maybe he really was too loyal for his own good.
He clenched his fist at that thought. It was always the simplest things that made him hold on to something.

For example his life.

Compared to Dazai, Chūya's will for living was stronger than ever. Just because he would simply not enjoy dying, he thought.
Not now.
There were still things he needed to do. For the passion he had, to survive in his lonely world. It's not that he ever was someone's first choice.
Not with the sheeps.
Not with Mori.
Not with Dazai or Akutagawa.
Even Ane-san.

But he lived.

And that's what counted, right?

Dying was never in the cards for him. Despite he didn't know what would happen to Arahabaki if he did. Chūya especially hated to think about that, it secretly scared him. He was even scared of himself sometimes. Regarding the massive destruction in Yokohama Arahabaki caused, he still wasn't sure what the ultimatum of powers could do.

This was just another weight he always carried with him. Sometimes alcohol would make him forget, but he learned in his young years that drinking was only a temporary solution.
Chūya was only 22 but it felt like he already had spent an eternity on this earth.

He looked at his phone again, the time being 21:36. What a Dimwit, he thought.

Speaking of that dimwit, Chūya heard a familiar whistle behind him. The song was unknown to him tho. Back in the day, Dazai used to sing a simple song about murder. But it seemed like he didn't find it fitting his appearance anymore.

Chūya didn't turn around.
He just waited, his heart betraying him by beating a bit too fast.
A slight tug on the railing he was resting his arms on made him look to the side. Dazai leaned his back against the railing and glared down at him, smiling slightly.

His smile reminded Chūya of the anger, the hate he felt for Dazai.

Hate was such a pure feeling of dislike and disgust and really just every negative feeling bailed up.
It's not a nice thing to feel, for sure.
So they tried.
Since Chūya remembered, they tried to like each other. Get along. Even find some sympathy for one another.
Just that.
Nothing more.

But everything about Dazai made him furious. His attitude, the way he put on all of his appearances to make sure no one really gets to know him, and the way Dazai looked down at Chūya in such a disgusting way. He hated all of it. Why? Well, first of all, he didn't understand it.
Getting along with Dazai? He sure tried. But understanding him was never really in the cards.
Dazai had a complicated, twisted mind that wasn't his friend most of the time. Even if Chūya could relate to parts of his life - the abuse, the weight of murdering, the loneliness- he never understood the whole thing that came with having a mind like Dazai's.
Frankly, he didn't care.