"I'm Thinking This Is a Problem We Can Solve Together" (Jevon One-shots)

REQUESTED||'«here's to failed trying»'

Requested by:  Painwithinsoul
Genre: Hurt with slight comfort(worse than angst)
OS info: Jake's experiencing a really bad anxiety attack and he can't help but crave to fall into old habits, though he promised to never cut again he never said anything about scratching past scars til they bleed, devon's there to help. Isn't he always?
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TW FOR PAST SELF HARM, SELF HARM SCARS, PAIN INFLICTED ON PAST SELF HARM SCARS, MENTION OF RAZOR BLADES, BLOOD, AND THROWING UP WHILE CRYING
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Jake's pov

I never do anything right.

My dad's was an alcoholic.

He used to beat me.

It was my fault, I failed to help him grieve my mom.

Oliver died and was just forgotten.

That was my fault too, I sent Chucky that night.

Lexy's house burned down, her mom got worse.

Also my fault.

I don't even have to mention Bree and Kim.

We know who's fault that was. I know who's fault it is.

I feel my body tremble uncontrollably as beads of sweat trail down my forehead and my breathes get more ragged. I let out a string of hiccups as I wiped the sweat off my forehead. It was useless, I wasn't going to stop sweating no time soon.

I stumbled over my legs as I hastily got up from the desk in my room and make my way to my dresser. I harshly pull it open and hurriedly toss clothes around looking for them.

My breath hitches as I catch sight of them. The... my razors. Without thinking my left hand reaches forward and my index finger grazes them. I jump away as if I were burned as haunted memories flood my mind in a rushing crashed wave.

I feel my eyes tear up and my intrusive thoughts get louder. I bite my lip as my throat closes up and I spend a moment listening to the thoughts swarming my head. I slowly pull my hand back as I let out a breath I didn't notice I was holding.

I promised Devon I wasn't going to cut again...I have to keep that.

Pretty ironic I have the guts to kill his mom and then promise not to hurt him

Not to mention his lost his relationship with his best friend for one with me that's not worth his time

And then I killed his said best friend

The one thing I have ever done right was only ever ...

I looked down at the scars on both of my arms and let out a sob that I couldn't even remember how long I've held it in.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Why is everything wrong with me?

Why was I so disgusting and useless and worthless?

Why couldn't I change?

I was supposed to have changed!

Before I knew it I was digging my nails into my scars. I didn't stop to think as I began scratching them harshly. Scratch on scratch on scratch for every scar.