Random Lemons

bob velseb x reader

DROOLS HEART PUMPS OUT OF CHEST EYES POP OUT OF SOCKETS MOUTH FALLS TO THE FLOOR TONGUE ROLLS OU
anyway

--

There has never, in the history of bad ideas, been an idea worse than the one you just acted upon.

Heavy footsteps sounded hundreds of times louder with the emptiness of the forest. With every step he took, poor chunks of grass died. How tragic. I just shed a tear. Through my asshole. Yes, you needed to know that./j

Who in their right minds would agree to a game of hide and seek with a stranger in a devil costume? You. That's who. You're LONELY(/j) so you let this absolute giant of a man persuade you to play a child's game with him.

A child's game but with a bit more knives and stabbing.

How were you supposed to know he was some murderous weirdo though? It's just this random guy dressed up as the Devil who drools a lot and gave you a fact about cannibalism when you turned around to see him behind you-

.... Yeah the signs were there weren't they.

You prayed to whatever higher being that may or may not be out there that your hands could stifle the ragged breaths and whimpers that came from you whenever you heard the man stab a tree trunk, or whisper softly with that stupid southern accent of his.

That smooth, deep, stupid southern accent of his. (awoooooga)

That voice calls out again, louder.

"Did you know, if humans were able to sell human meat legally, the belly would be the most expensive cut?" (dude i had to search up what a human heart tastes like and how expensive human meat is just to get a cannibalism fact for this stupid joke of a smut the cia is probably on my ass rn)

Fuck you and your stupid fucking facts you absolute fucking wanker  you think. A polite thought.

Just as the thought was formed, all sources of noise seemed to halt. Did he give up the search? Is he trying to lure you? Was this all just a figment of your imagination?

A hot breath of air hit your neck.

"Gotcha."

You literally screeched, shooting up from your sitting position and about to make a run for it when-

"For such a small person, you're very, very bad at hiding." His hand quickly moved to shove you against the tree you hid behind, drool seeping from the corners of his mouth. Wide, manic eyes bore into yours as you looked up at his looming (?? is that a word?????) figure, and he slightly tilted his head.

A silence came between you two, minus the heavy breathing that came from either one of you. Maybe both of you.

He broke it. "... Did you kn-"

"One more fucking fact and I swear I will perform a lobotomy on your ass with a stick and a tweezer."

His smile grew wider at this........ somehow. The staring continued.

"... Is there something between my teeth? Why aren't you killing me?"

you then remembered that you are in an insane asylum and this is all a hallucination