Random short stories.

He didn't see the real me.

(Trigger warning: mentions of self harm,     bad language,R#pe and abuse)

    He made me feel special, like I was the only person for him. He would make me feel loved and cared for. He would make me feel better when I was crying. I loved him so much, I did everything for him. I stopped talking to my friends that hated him, and told me to break up with him. I would spend everyday with him. I talked to him about his feelings and our rules. I felt happy and loved, and that someone actually cared for me.

    He told me he liked me because he saw just my femininity and saw no masculinity in me. I just laughed it off, not caring that much because I really really liked him. I bought more feminine clothing and would where them whenever he told me to put them on, I ended up buying more and more clothes that I would normally never buy, but anything for him. 

    I slit my wrists to prove to him that I wasn't lying, I would let him do whatever he wanted with my body, and I would let him tell me to put on whatever he wanted me to put on. I was never allowed to say no. He would hurt himself and leave me if I ever said no to him. I did it whenever he wanted to do it, which was everyday. 

     I had enough.... I wanted this to stop I didn't cut myself to just make sure I was being truthful I was cutting myself because I was in the wrong I was horrible to him I made him upset. I shouldn't make him upset, he has to be happy all the time. I can't let him be mad. I am not allowed to have emotions, I must do everything he wants me to do... I have too he would never listen to a dumb whore like me.. I was nothing but a play thing to him just someone to play with whenever he wanted. 

    ....I snapped....I yelled at him.....He smacked me and told me that a worthless whore like me should have no right to be yelling at him.... He can do no wrong.... He is always right I am the only one that can fuck up in this relationship. I am problem it's my fault our relationship is shit, it's all my fucking fault. I'm sorry I can't do better....

   Hahahahahahahahahaha.... H-He said he only sees me as a girl.... I am a fucking girl to him.... I am not man and never will be... I am not allowed to ever go on testosterone, or he would leave me... What a fucking prick, why do I love someone like him???? Someone who could never see me for who I truly am..... Love truly is blind.

   He can't stop yelling....He won't fucking shut up. I am tired of this... I want to leave....maybe he'll change I hope he changes.... Because I am fucking tired of changing myself because he told me to.

    The fucking asshole said he would never change himself for me, because why would he change himself if he has done nothing wrong? Why would he change?? He doesn't need to, he is prefect, the ideal boyfriend. The guy that everyone wants... Fuck you....

I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. I hate you.

      I should have seen all of those fucking signs... They were flashing so bright in my face. I can't stop crying, the tears won't stop.... Why is he comforting me.... He is telling me everything will be okay and that he loves me, and will love me no matter what.... I-I don't understand... Why is he acting like he didn't do this??? I. DID. NOT. CONSENT. I didn't want to do it.... I didn't... 

      I have been sleeping a lot more. He doesn't like that he would always throw water on me and yank me out of bed, and tell me to stop being lazy and actually do shit. I didn't feel like doing anything.... I didn't have any motivation to do anything. I felt dead. He scoffed at me and slammed the bedroom door shut. I flinched and went back to bed. 

   I left him, I packed everything a left him. I went to a friends place and stayed there. We planned on calling the police once I settled down and when we see him trying to get into the house.....

  He didn't come to the house. He did send me a text saying a bunch of horrible shit. He blocked me on everything.

I was finally free....I didn't feel anything though.