One Shots - Matthew Gray Gubler / Spencer Reid

"Broken" (Spencer Reid x fem!reader)

A/N: one of my dearest friends  sent me the pic and told me how much it made her think of Spencer and reader from my series "Do I wanna Know." So I wrote her a little blurb about them.  Hope you enjoy it!!

Word count: 1.5K

Pairing: Spencer Reid x (platonic) reader

Summary: Spencer daydreams of a life with his best friend.

Warnings: None, just fluff. Maybe Spencer feels too much sorry for himself.

Wanna know how this ends for Spencer and his friend? Read my series "Do I wanna Know" here on Wattpad! It's awesome! and also, there is a sequel coming soon!!

˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ · • . ° .˚ ·

I have been on medical leave for the last five days, and the pain is already driving me insane. I've refused to take any painkiller after I got shot in the leg during a case, due to my past with Dilaudid. So in the last week, I've learned a completely new definition of the concept of pain.

I've been locked in my apartment reading, doing crosswords and puzzles, basically killing time and trying not to go insane. I crave work, but most of all, I need to feel useful again. I haven't been alone, though. My best friend and colleague (Y/N) moved in with me for a few days to help me around the house.

That makes everything worse. She is my best friend, my rock, my everything. I love her. I am in love with her. But I haven't told her. The entire opposite, as a matter of fact, I've denied this feeling and ran away from it for over four years now.

Four years.

I love her, and here I am, pretending she is nothing but my friend. Life is pain, Spencer Reid. This leg is just a reminder.

- "Here honey, I made you some tea"- I hear her whisper as she walks towards me and leaves a warm cup of herbal tea on the table next to my couch, where I've been pretending to read for the last hour. In real life, my head has been registering everything she has been doing around the house. She did laundry and baked some cookies. A part of my brain keeps making me think she is my wife, my girlfriend, or my lover. My significant other, taking care of me. But that is not real. She is my friend. Just my friend. Stop it, Spencer, you are pathetic!

- "Thank you"- I whisper and smile at her as she stares at me, waiting for a reply.

- "I was thinking after your tea, we could go out for a little while. Maybe go to the park."- she smiles and I just stare at her, not knowing what to answer. I don't wanna go out, I don't wanna move, every movement hurts. But then again, how can I say no to her?

- "I... I'm not..."

- "Come on, you have been locked here for five days already. You need some vitamin D. You don't even have to walk, we can take the wheelchair."

- "No! I'm not handicapped!"- my voice might have come a little harder than I intended, and I blame my ego for that. I don't want her to see me in a wheelchair. Ever.

- "I know you are not, honey. I'm just saying you could use it today to go out."

- "I don't need it. I can walk on my own."

(Y/N) stares at me in silence for a moment, analyzing my face and her options, I guess. She doesn't push me anymore. Instead, she walks to the kitchen and brings a bowl with some homemade cookies. My favorite oatmeal cookies, as a matter of fact. I grab one and watch her smiling as she sits by my side and takes her copy of Wuthering Heights. We both just stay in silence for a while. I sip my tea and keep pretending to read, flipping the pages every few seconds. But I really can't concentrate right now. Maybe staying at the apartment the entire time is not really a good idea. Maybe going out could be actually beneficial for my mental health.

- "Fine"- I whisper after a few minutes and she raises her eyes from her book, smiling- "But no wheelchair."

- "Deal! but if you are in pain, you have to tell me right away."

I nod and sip my cup of tea again, watching her move from the couch and back to the kitchen, announcing it's cold and we could bring some coffee and snacks to the park. I argue and tell her we can buy some, but she says it's not necessary. She baked cookies, and coffee will only take a few minutes to brew. Meanwhile, I carefully take my crutches and walk to my room slowly to grab a sweater and put on my shoes.

- "Do you wanna take your book to the park?"- I hear her asking from the living room, and her voice is so happy and eager, I can't help but agree. Walking down the three floors is a nightmare. But still, I try my best not to show how much this hurts. Instead, I focus on (Y/N)'s hand on my arm as she helps me. The warmth of her touch and her soft whispers of encouragement, telling me I'm doing great, are all I need right now to make it to the first floor, even with a bullet wound in my leg.

- "Was that too hard, honey?"- she asks me the second we reach the sidewalk. I shake my head and smile a little, just to reassure her I am ok.

I hold onto my crutches tight as we make our way to the park. (Y/N) is holding a bag with food, coffee, and books. I hate these crutches 'cos they physically stop me from holding her hand. Not that I do that a lot, but at least I wished I had the chance. We sat on a bench in the park, near a dog playground. I start rambling facts about dogs for a while, sharing facts and stories with my best friends. She takes a bag of cookies from the bag and we share them over the conversation.

- "Would you like to have a dog, honey?"- (Y/N) asks me and sips her coffee.

- "I don't know. I guess. You know I've never had one."

- "I still can't believe that! We all had dogs growing up"- I smile at her and she blushes, maybe a little embarrassed, because she knows what happened to me when I was a kid and why I couldn't have a dog. I had to take care of my mother as I grew up, and I couldn't add more pressure to that situation.

- "I might give you one for Christmas this year."- she adds and sticks out her tongue to me.

- "You are gonna be the one taking care of it if you do, chipmunk."- I joke and she just laughs.

- "I know. But I love dogs, so I wouldn't mind."

We fall silent for a few minutes. I sip my coffee and focus my eyes on the dogs playing. I get lost in my mind after a few minutes, imagining a parallel reality, where me and (Y/N) are married and we are spending our Saturday at the park, walking our dog. We are sitting at this very same bench, looking at it playing with other dogs. Maybe (Y/N) is pregnant, and we are expecting our first kid. Her hands would rub her round belly lovingly. I would wrap an arm around her as I read a book, feeling her resting her head on my shoulder. I would kiss the top of her head every once in a while, because I know if I ever do that once, I won't ever be able to stop. If I ever kiss her lips, I won't have the will to move away from her ever again. I would be doomed.

I sigh and keep my eyes glued to the horizon as (Y/N) keeps reading and drinking her coffee. If we were married, we would keep coming back to this park, maybe with our kids. Our dog would be older now, so it would sit by our side and watch our babies playing. They would be as gorgeous as (Y/N). I imagine a little girl and a baby boy playing on the grass by our side. I would show them bugs and teach them everything about nature and animals. (Y/N) would bring little juice boxes for them, and we would share a little picnic.

That future seems as sweet as impossible. I don't even wanna run the odds on that. I just wanna enjoy the idea of us being a family, even if I know that would never ever happen. Just the dream of those kids calling me dad is enough to make me happy.

- "Look at you, you're smiling. I missed that"- (Y/N) says and giggles as she stares at me. Of course, I never realized I was in fact ginning as I stared at the dogs, daydreaming of our fictional future together.

- "Yes. I just was..."- I pause and turn to her. Her eyes are shining as she stares at me, waiting for my answer. I simply chuckle and shake my head. I can't tell her what is making me feel happy right now, instead, I just say:

- "I'm just enjoying being here. Thank you for convincing me to get out of the house."

- "Anytime you want, honey."- she says and returns to her book. I sigh and grab the one on my lap. Right, no dog, no kids, no wife. But at least I have her in my life.