Two musicians, one school.
Taylor wants to start fresh studying the thing she loves most and getting away from her damaged past. Music is what's kept her going over the years, her lifeline. Getting into the best music school in the world, Julliard...
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«How are you feeling today, Taylor, tomorrow is a big day» my therapist says as she sits across from me. I'm on her coach with my legs tucked under me and shoes on the ground. I've been here once or twice a week for a while now, since things went wrong again, and I really like her. I'm not that happy with the pressure of treatment, but at least we get along.
«I'm all packed to go... well I have a few more things that needs to be put in a suitcase, however my dad and I are ready to hit the road tomorrow. its finally happening» tomorrow I'm hitting the road to drive from my home in Boston to New York where I will be studying at Julliard for the next four years.
I'm getting a bachelor's in music, vocal focused. It's something I've been dreaming of since I picked up the guitar for the first time when I was 12 years old. I was already doing musical theatre at that point at a local place, but I wanted to do more. And once I got that guitar in my hand and learned my first three cords, G, Em and D I was hooked. it wasn't enough for me to just play what other people had written, I started writing my own songs. at the time I didn't really have friends, so my guitar became my best friend. Sure I got along with the other kids in the theatre, but it wasn't the kind of relationship where you hung out outside of practices and performances. It didn't bother me much though; I grew used to being alone. It was better to be left alone than the bullying that happened at school. Being invisible felt better.
«You're living in a dorm with several other people, how are you feeling about that? And how are you feeling right now about eating in the cafeteria with a lot of other people» she asks, and I tense. Food... it's been an issue for years, especially after I was bullied for not being pretty enough at school. I started cutting calories at thirteen and then it became an addiction and it got really bad. Over the years I was in and out of treatment a lot, that's why I'm sitting in Dr Viviane ross's office right now. Every time I come back to therapy; she is there greeting me with open arms. I'm happy that at least I didn't need to stay from scratch with a new therapist every time I fell of the wagon.
«I've sent some Emails with the girl I'm sharing a room with Selena. And I've looked at pictures and videos of the design of the room I'm in, she sent a lot of those to me because she is really excited to decorate it. It made me less anxious now that I at least have a visual idea about what the dorm looks like bare. And I don't know about the... food stuff... I guess it will be fine» I shrug. I know food is going to be an issue, but I don't want her to worry and try to talk me out of going. I'm not in forced therapy anymore, and I'm an adult so my parents don't control me anymore. They are kind enough to support my dream and pay tuition and give me an allowance for when I'm in New York, but they left the choice of going up to me.
The people around me are worried, I've given them plenty of reasons to justify that. But I also think they know I need to do this. A new start is exactly what I need, and I need to study the thing I love. Highschool was a nightmare for me, and I was really depressed as well as all the other things I struggled with, but music got me through it. Music, my family... and harry. But now I want to try standing on my own feet. I don't want my parents, little brother, and my now ex-boyfriend to hold me up, that's not way to live. This is important to me.
