starlight - jaylor AU

i love you

- Taylors Pov -

Exam season is stressful, and I think it's even more than back in high school. The pressure is bigger at such a prestigious school like Julliard, and I can really feel it take its toll on my body. Stress is something that tends to hit my body hard, I've never coped well with it. Sometimes, if it's really bad, I get a fever. The fever started last night, and I woke up all sweaty.

«Ethics, why are we even taking this course» I groan as we are sitting at a table in the library. Tom, Selena, Joe, and I decided that we should study outside of our dorm today to get a change of scenery. Sitting in the same room after school every day to nail down all of this information takes a toll on your head, that's for sure.

«There are ethics in the music field. Lots of it» Selena points out. Sadly I know it's true, and we have learned a lot in the class this fall. it's just that it's my least favorite class, that and phonics is at the bottom of my list.

My favorite class is my private voice lessons for sure and then the voice class where we teamed up with the other music students to put on a showcase. Working with Joe on the song we are writing has been really fun. It's one thing writing on my own but doing it with someone else has been a new experience. Joe is really easy to work with, and with the two of us the ideas just keep flowing. It didn't even really feel like work because we were having so much fun.

«I'm just ready for Christmas break» I yawn. It's not a secret that this fall has been hard on me between my eating disorder and the drama with harry. now we are close to the end of the year and then we can start fresh next semester. Going home to Boston is much needed now, and it's even better knowing that Joe will be in the city too. He is there with his brother since he is still in the hospital, so we will be in the same city for the holidays.

«I'm not» Joe mumbles so quietly beside me that I don't think he intended for me to hear it. «Why not?» I ask. I thought he would be longing to go back to Boston to see his brother. He is starting the bone marrow transplant in a few days now and if it was my brother, I would be dying to be closer to him.

But Joe doesn't give an explanation, he just shrugs. «Forget it» he dismisses me. it's probably hard for him to talk about, but he should know that he can lean on me. I don't mind hearing about his worries so I can take some of the weight of his shoulders. But he has been acting weird the last couple of days and it makes me anxious. It's hard to tell what's going on and I wish I knew what could help him. If I just had a clue about what to do, I could be there for him better, but I really don't know.

- joes Pov -

I leave the library before the others; I just need to be alone for a minute. I'm really stressed about finals but then I'm also stressed about what comes after term ends. I'm not going home to Pittsburg for the holidays, I'm going to be in a hospital in Boston. I'm going to split my time between my brother's room, the Ronald McDonald House, and the joys of playing peacekeeper between our parents.

And I'm not even allowed in the actual room with my brother, I need to be on the other side of a plastic wall, so we don't risk him getting an infection. They have stripped his immune system with high doses of chemo, and he isn't looking good these days. I call him every day, sometimes several times, and he almost always end up crying at some point during the call. He is in pain and alone there a lot of the time because our parents need to work. Thankfully they can switch out being in Boston and do work via Skype, but it still leaves Patrick alone a lot.

Patrick is only 13 years old and terrified. He isn't stupid, he knows that this is his last shot at remission. When they strip your immune system, it leaves you vulnerable, and if the bone marrow transplant isn't successful you won't have an immune system. It doesn't take a genius to understand that without an immune system it's pretty much only a matter of time before you catch any sort of infection or virus and then it will probably kill you. By that point sure his cancer is dead because they killed his bone marrow, but he is still actively fighting death without that immune system. Merry fucking Christmas Patrick because it might be your last. I'm absolutely terrified.