Day to Day

Free of Pain

I walked to the point where the foamy water lapped my ankles. I closed my eyes, breathing in the salty air, knowing that this was it. No backing out now. I thought back to the voice of my father, the first time he had come in, letting the horror and shame wash over me.

The door opened, letting in a slice of light from the hallway.

'You awake?' My father's gruff voice was backed with something strange, angry and...something else.

I didn't move, tried to calm my breathing. He wouldn't do anything if he thought I was asleep. Not like he'd done something to mum. Her muffled screams and pleading voice came back to me and I was awash with even more terror.

'I know yer awake. I could hear yer cryin' before.' He moved closer to the bed and his shadow loomed over me, my eyes wide open now. 'Let Daddy love you, honey. Yeh'll be fine in no time.' I shook with fright now, as he no longer looked angry, but full of malicious delight.

He grabbed my head, and before I could scream, he wrapped a piece of cloth around my mouth.

The things he had done to me that night had stayed with me. I'd had my virginity stolen from me at sixteen, a year ago.

This morning, I'd woken up to sounds of whipping and shrieks of pain.

I' went downstairs, dread settling in my stomach at what I would find. I couldn't hold back my gasp as I saw my monster of a father beating my mother with a belt and slamming into her from behind. My poor, broken mother was tied to a table and naked. I hurried upstairs, sobbing, wondering if i could do anything. Before I could call 911, the shrieks died out. The thumping hadn't stopped, so I went back down to check what had happened, though I had a sinking suspicion I already knew.

She was motionless, taking his advances with no reaction, not even flinching. I threw up, there and then.

She was dead. All these years of torture and she was dead. Gone. Free of the pain.

I'd then called 911 and gave them my address. Not telling them anything except that my father had killed my mother. Then I came here, my mind made up. I was going to join my mother.

I walked out into the deep, blue sea, calmly. I would finally be free, like my dear mother.

The water was up to my knees...

My hips...

My ribs...

My neck...

Finally, I was submerged completely under the water, my eyes burning. I pushed myself forwards a bit more. I couldn't swim, so that would make this easier.

My lungs started to burn and my body grew frantic for oxygen. But my mind was calm. My instinct for survival fought to go up above the surface of the water, but, finally, it stopped and my lungs filled with water. I felt my life force start to leave my body.

And, for the first time in years, I did it. And it was genuine.

I smiled.