Painful Poems

Emptiness

I haven't wrote a poem in a while.
My mind has been put to sleep.
My mind has been blocked with test.
I haven't had time to weep.

Once again I feel like nothing
And I don't mean in a bad way...
No joy, no sadness, just empty.
And the feeling is here to stay.

I'm not going to cry anymore,
What is there to cry about?
But I don't have a reason to smile.
And there's no reason to pout.

If there isn't any joy or anger.
If there isn't any sadness or vain.
Is there a purpose of living?
Or am I supposed to go insane?

But I don't feel crazy.
I don't feel strange.
I guess I'm just curious.
And I don't want to change.

This feeling helps most of the time.
But it is the nights like this.
I want feel all the emotions.
I want to be that child I miss.

It's the moments like this,
I wonder why I don't feel anymore.
My heart and mind are quiet.
But the emptiness grows 2x more.

Right now I'm just confused.
But I'm not angry or mad.
The curiousity might make me cry.
And I hate it because I'm not sad.

What is life without these emotions?
What is life with them?
My heart aches with exhaustion.
Will it ache til the end?

I kinda don't want to live right now.
I kinda don't want die.
But that feeling isn't depression.
Just a curious girl asking why.

I kinda feel like throwing up.
I know it is my heart playing tricks.
But that emptiness inside of me,
Is making me really sick.

Sometimes the emptiness is easier
Sometimes it is the worst
But right now it is killing me.
And I feel like I'm going to burst.

I haven't wrote a poem in awhile.
But that is not good for me.
I need to write more often.
To help me get rid of the empty.