The Red Widow

Chapter 5 - Who Do You Want to Be?

   I hand Yelena a cup of tea. She takes a small sip and stares at the sunrise from the cabin patio. I ask, continuing my questions, "How did you find me?" With another sip from her tea, she looks at me as I sit across from her, "Remember that small device I cut from your thigh yesterday?" I nod, running my hand over the stitches on my bare thigh. "Tracker." She replies, "Easiest wait to find the remaining Widows; if they still have them."

   "How many were out there?" I ask. She sighs, reminiscing for a moment, "Many. But we've helped a lot." I ask, "Do you take all of them in?" She shakes her head, "No. There are ex-widows that we pair them with that take them in and help them. It's like rehab; they help them talk out their emotions, learn how to control them. Get them on their feet." It's quiet for a moment while we both listen to the birds. I have a gut feeling there is something she isn't telling me. "So why do you want me to come with you?"

    She cocks her head to one side and watches me for a moment. "You did more work as a Widow before you left Russia." I feel a ping in my stomach; never thinking I'd hear someone bring that up. "Красная вдова." (The Red Widow) I quietly sip my tea; unsure of how to respond. "I did what I had to do to stay alive." I tell her. She nods with an warm, understanding smile, "I know. I've been watching you for a while. Whenever a new incident with The Red Widow would come up, I'd review your tracker's history of where you were. You matched every time." I just stare at her. I did only what I knew; it was never personal. Killing for money is all we were raised for. And when things got desperate after the Red Room came down, it was the only thing I knew how to do.

   "Do they know?" She asks quietly, referring to the Wakandans. "No." I shake my head. More guilt comes over me, overwhelming. I stare down at my tea, fighting back more tears. "I know you didn't mean it, Ksana." Yelena's deep voice tells me. "We've all done it. All of us Widows." I shake my head at her, tears now trickling, "I don't- want- to be a Widow anymore." She slowly nods her head and sips her tea. "Who do you want to be?" She asks. She holds my gaze as I think. "I've never had a chance to think about it." I confess. "You can change your narrative. Your story. Don't let that title be a negative. This is your chance to redefine it." I take her words into consideration and they bring me some hope. Maybe this could be a way to pull myself out of this hell I've been in. Trusting Yelena seems promising.

   "So your team," I start, "who are they?"

    "We call ourselves the Thunderbolts." She explains, "It's lead by myself, along with Bucky Barnes. My 'dad', Alexei Shostakov; he's the 'Red Guardian'. He was the Soviet Union's only Super Soldier during the Cold War. Kate Bishop, a friend of mine that was an apprentice of Clint Barton for a short while; she's a master archer. John Walker... a pain in my ass. As cocky and annoying as he is, he's a good fighter. He goes by 'US Agent'. And Ava Starr, the 'Ghost'. She worked for S.H.I.E.L.D for a while, until she got caught up in some beef with Scott Lang. She's turned out for the better and works with us now. We essentially wait on stand-by until I get orders from Valentina Allegra de Fontaine. We call her 'Val'. She calls, gives me the premise, Bucky and I work it out and send out who is needed. Sometimes we call go together, sometimes only a few of us go."

   "Bucky Barnes," I recall. She smirks and nods, "Another one like you. Saved by and sanctified by the Wakandans." I smile and nod, finding comfort in another person who may understand how I feel. She continues, "We all live together; fortunately, but sometimes unfortunately." She chuckles to herself. "Back when the Avengers worked closely, they had a compound to conduct all of their operations that eventually most of them ended up staying at. Easy to rally everyone in a time of need. We've recently taken it over for the same reasons. You'll have your own room, your own space. Although Kate may bug you when she gets lonely from time to time." She smiles.

   I smile and nod along, taking in all of her information. A small, weird spark in my chest gives me hope that this could be my second shot to make myself better. I sigh, "When are you going back?" I ask. She chuckles, "Whenever you're ready." With a wink. I can't help but smile back at her. We both share a laugh, a lightheartedness coming over the conversation. "And I get my own room, huh?" I raise an eyebrow at her. She chuckles, "Walker's has its own bathroom. I'll happily kick him out for you." I let out a laugh that feels good to do; I hold my tea cup out to her, and we cheers.