Pure Gold (Chaelisa)

Chapter 19

Lisa's POV

I stare at her lips, unable to comprehend what she's saying. It's words that I didn't even think she knew, let alone thought about herself.

My heart stutters to a stop as the same lips that speak soft wonders to me - the same lips that map my body with care - spew venom directed at their owner.

Mu throat is thick with emotion, but I force a crackling "Chaeng,"past my lips, pleading with her to focus, but there's a vacant look in her eyes. The brown is so dull that it almost looks grey. "Baby," my voice cracks again, and she flinches, grabbing her arms tight enough to leave crescent moons behind.

Her walls are up and she's sealed herself off.

She calls herself a stupid whore with so much vitriol that I understand where she learned these phrases; who she learned these phrases from; how she learned to internalize them after being inundated with the same words over and over and over.

She thinks she's worthless. The thought suffocates me.

Chaeyoung is lost. She's lost who she is. She's lost inside her own mind, the small boxes she's built over the years to house these horrid words ripping open all at once and flooding her with the pain she's escaped once before, but she's lost her footing and stumbled right back in.

I want to reach for her. I want to tell her how much I love her, that what she thinks isn't true, but my heart is aching because the brown eyes glaring at me are hollow and empty, the shade of someone else. They're the color of a woman who abandoned her and a boy who saw an opportunity. They're void of the sparkling mischief, the warm embrace, the seductive swagger that make up Chaeyoung.

It physically hurts me to leave her, but I know that I need to think, call in backup, call in reinforcements to get to the woman I love. I'm dialing Jennie's number before I even make it to ky motorcycle. "Chaeyoung needs you," is all I say.

"Are you okay?" Jennie asks in response. When I don't reply, Jennie sighs. "On it. Jisoo's waiting for you."

***

My sister sits quietly by my side, smoke billowing from her cigarette that she only ever lights when she's stressed out. "Jessica said she's going to make her a care package. Yuna's helping her."

My laugh is sad. I am sad. "I shouldn't have invited Dara. I shouldn't have held that fucking conference. I shouldn't have insisted." My hands are tangling in my hair and pulling at my scalp.

Jisoo takes stock of my response and hums in response.

"What?" I glance at my sister, brow furrowed.

"Chaeyoung's in pain," she shrugs, flicking the cigarette a little too hard to just be trying to ash it. "It's not your fault that Chaeyoung's trapped in her pain."

"I pushed her."

"You didn't. Chaeyoung is one of the toughest women I know. She's just outnumbered by her ghosts and I don't know what - how to - she needs help to even the fight. I want to help her even the fight."

I'm baffled, but my tears fall nonetheless when I realize how much my sister has come to love my girlfriend. How my dilapidated family has all come to the defense of her.

***

Jennie looks as exhausted as I feel the next morning, and I share a lingering hug in support and gratitude of one another. Jessica swings by before she heads over to Chaeyoung's apartment and she checks me over silently, her eyes scanning to see if I've eaten, if I've bathed, if I'm taking care of myself all without saying a single word.