WANDERLUST: Romance in F Minor

CHAPTER 3

CHAPTER 3

COMING FROM his therapy session, Kade arrived back at his house just before dinner. He had no appetite, so he didn't bother buying himself something to eat. After that tiring session with his therapist, all he wanted to do was to paint until he was so exhausted that he would fall asleep the moment his back hit the mattress.

Since when did I think of painting as a tool to exhaust myself? That thought made Kade freeze as he parked his car in the garage, and he felt even more mentally exhausted.

He loved painting. He loved how his painting could unnerve and disturb a human mind to the point that they would ask themselves how it could overlap with reality and how one painting could convey numerous emotions.

But now, I just paint so I can vent and put my dark, uncontrollable thoughts onto the canvas.

Kade gripped the steering wheel and whispered, "Since when... did I become like this?"

He had no answer. He hadn't even realized until now.

"Fuck..."

Kade gripped a handful of his hair before forcing himself to step out of the car and dragged himself toward his house.

There was no point asking himself the question when he had no answer for it. What was important now was that he hadn't had any attacks lately. His mind was not at peace, but it had become bearable. He didn't know if it was because of the medicines, but he was pretty sure they were a big help.

Without his doctor's prescribed medicines, Kade didn't know what could've happened to him since last year. Though the medicines helped, he could still feel that his mental state was not stable.

He had been grappling with his depression for more than a year now, and it was a losing battle. When Xanthie told him he was getting married a couple of months ago, that was when he consulted a psychiatrist. He wanted to be okay at Xanthie's wedding. He wanted to be there for his best friend on his special day. Giving Xanthie bad memories was the last thing on his mind.

His fear that he might have an attack during Xanthie's wedding was the reason he kept seeing and listening to his psychiatrist. Because he knew, at Xanthie's wedding, he wouldn't be mentally stable.

That fear that consumes me every attack... what is it?, He kept asking himself. What is it that I fear? What is it that I want? What is it that can make me happy again—

The bright light inside his house when he went in pulled Kade from his reverie.

What... I'm pretty sure I turned off the lights before I left, he thought, and was about to investigate when he walked through the kitchen door and saw a familiar figure in front of the stove, cooking.

"Xanthie?"

The figure turned around to face him, and it was indeed Xanthie. "Go freshen up and come back. Dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes."

Kade was still staring at Xanthie's back from outside the kitchen door. His mind was buffering until he remembered that Xanthie would be living in his house for two weeks because of work.

"If you don't want to freshen up, at least wash your hands." Xanthie's voice filled the kitchen  when he turned around and saw Kade still silently standing outside the door.

"I'll go freshen up," Kade replied in a low voice after a little while.

Hearing Kade's fading footsteps, Xanthie glanced at the kitchen's door, and then his eyes landed on the refrigerator to the side.