sweet tooth for you ☆ huntlow

think i try to be someone else

"Hunter?" Willow whispered, groggily.

Hunter jolted, climbing back under the blanket sandwich he had on the floor, scared as if he was caught doing something.

"Why are you awake?" she asked, turning to look down at Hunter from her position laid on the couch.

"I- I was just, I had to use the bathroom," he quickly justified, trying to keep his voice down and not wake up Gus. He attempted to smile up at her, looking more like he was wincing in pain than reassuring a friend.

Willow's face remained puzzled, not convinced of his semi-lie. Hunter had gotten up to use the bathroom, after barely being able to sleep all night, but he stayed in there for almost an hour. Looking in the mirror, curling up on the floor, debating giving himself another haircut but being too nervous about the outcome.

His breathing got more difficult sporadically, and he attempted to use the trick that Gus had taught him to soothe himself.

But he was mostly just thinking. Of all that had happened recently in his life, all he wanted to do in the human realm was forget about it, and move on. But he wasn't in the human realm anymore. And that was coming back to bite him, as the memories - the ones he had justified in one way or another - he had from the emperor's coven were appearing in his dreams now.

He almost missed the emperor's coven, honestly. Having that routine set, being told exactly who he was meant to be, was better than having to figure it out himself.

He missed the human realm too. But not only that, he missed more than that. He missed memories he never even had, ones he saw in Luz's life before the demon realm. Photographs in painted picture frames in the hallways, scenes from a less-than-perfect childhood that he craved. He knew Luz struggled just as he did, and he was grateful to have her, but he couldn't help but wish he was raised in the human realm, sometimes.

He didn't know exactly what he wanted. He didn't know much of anything at the moment. He hated not knowing.

He looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, observing the new person that stared back at him. Every new scar he'd gotten over the years took a lot of time to get used to. Even when he'd gotten the first one, he'd never fully adjust to how it made him feel when he saw it. Now it'd been torn open, surrounded by many more caused by the same person that had created the original. But now they snaked down his arms, covering his entire body, more than they already had. All the smaller cuts and burns and scrapes that painted his pale skin was brushed over with a new coat of burning splotches of hurt.

A new beginning, yet he was right back where he started. The same dreadfully heart-wrenching feeling in his body had the same hold on him as it had his entire life. And when life gave him a brief breath of fresh and healthy air, it ripped it right back away. Now he was left to grieve not only the death of his companion (caused by, physically, his own hands), but the death of the possibilities the human realm had not promised but contained.

He tilted his head down to look at the plastic purple clip that Luz had helped use to pin up the hair in his face. There had been a rubber band holding the newly grown hair on his neck into a ponytail. He wondered why his appearance mattered so much to him at this time where it was the least of his worries. It had never used to. His appearance used to feel more personal to himself. Now knowing he looked like someone.. reminded him of someone. The thought made him want to rip his hair out, strand by strand.

"Hunter," Willow brought him back to reality, speaking in a quiet voice.

She sat up on the couch, her legs dangling over, putting her elbows on her thighs, looking down at Hunter.

"It's okay to not know everything. You're not going to figure it out before morning either. You should get some sleep, while you still can."

"Yeah. Yeah, you're right."

while you still can.

"Hey," she spoke more compassionately, her eyes softening. "Is there something particularly bothering you right now? I know that I can't do much about-"

"Thank you." he interrupted.

Willow offered up a pained smile, scooting down to the floor, leaning back against the couch with her knees to her chest. They were now only separated by a few feet and a couple of blankets Hunter was wrapped in.

He sat up slowly, holding a blanket around his shoulders and not meeting Willow's eyes.

"I think.. I think I might need another-" he stopped, scared if he spoke another word he would cry and wouldn't be able to stop. "-haircut." he whispered.

"I would be happy to cut your hair again. I'm glad you trust me to do it, I know it means a lot to you."

"How do you keep it together?" Hunter finally brought his head up to look at her. She'd since put her glasses on - he had avoided eye contact so much he hadn't noticed - and her hair sticking up all over the place.

"I feel like I'm constantly in the middle of a crisis, and meanwhile you seem to be handling this amazingly. How?"

"Hunter I'm-," she stopped herself, considering how to go about answering. "I'm very tired. I don't think I can.. I'm going to keep it together for as long as I can."

"Captain- Willow -, you can talk to me whenever you need to. I respect your strength just as much as I respect your pain."

"And I respect your pain just as i respect your strength."

Hunter scooted towards Willow, still wrapped in his blanket, and sat beside her. He put his head down on her soft bare shoulder, surprised by how warm she was despite wearing a tank top and shorts in the cold room.

"You're so cold, my god." She whispered, moving closer. He could tell in the lighthearted undertones to her voice that she'd been amused by this, maybe. Maybe concerned, or worried.

The warmth and company he felt was enough to gently rock him into the sleep he'd swear would never come - chipping away at his fleeting consciousness every passing second.

The last thing he heard that night was the soft sweet sounds of Willow humming a tune he recognized but couldn't recall ever hearing. Comfort.

1115 words.

sorry im only capable of writing hurt-comfort so get used to it besties

votes and comments r appreciated