Trials of Gideon Book 1: The Cursed Blade

Chapter 12: Another f**king side quest

Two hours later we are standing in a vast dressing room. It is Wolverton castle, I was right. That knowledge isn't doing me any good now. I wonder if you can Clorox your brain? Probably not. Going to have to memorize a whole new branch of monarchy to build over the space this is currently taking up.
It's early in the morning, and John of Gaunt is getting ready for the day. That involves two minstrels, and five women rubbing oil into his skin then incredibly slowly dressing him. Like, incredibly slowly, rubbing the oils in more, and gently pressing their lips to his skin as they slide on clothes. He bends down to kiss their mouths in turn. This is not only clearly a routine, everyone appears to be having a good time. The women are mostly dressed and are dressing each other as they dress him. He'll occasionally pause to help or hinder again there is background music playing.
"Why did you need us for this?" Oisin asks, hand over his face. We were called up to have an audience with him twenty minutes ago. I'm surprised it took Oisin that long to say something to be honest. I have my fist in my mouth and eyes closed and am trying to forget I'm here.
"Oh yes, Gideon, Oisin, what do you want and how much is it worth to you?" John asks, lightly, turning a little to us. He's mostly dressed by now but was kissing one of the women. He's not even bothered to be interrupted, she is, looking annoyed and leaning on him.
"We need thirty thousand crowns," I sigh, "I'll do whatever you ask. Okay not—whatever—you know what I mean."
"Why thirty?" Oisin asks.
"What makes you think that bitch won't raise the price when we get back? I fucking know him," I whisper.
"Oh, right, yeah, thirty thousand crowns," Oisin says.
"What for?" John asks, as the women put oil through his thick curly hair. I do need to emphasize these women are not only clearly being paid to do this they seem comfortable with their job. Like they seem fine. No allegations of John treating any of his many women badly, exist, and he's quite handsome in himself. He has the same evil smirk as his grandson but he's not soulless, there's some kindness to his eyes and he's altogether charming if he likes.
"That sword you said you didn't have, but I happen to know for a fact you do," I say, flatly, "On that note, your brother is dear to me, why'd you lie to him?"
"Oh don't pout, Gideon. Ned gave me that a while ago his wife wanted it out of the house, him and his boy slaying the monsters for entertainment wasn't worth keeping it. He sold it to me, I've had no trouble with it, I was going to sell it, but you see our father wanted it and I don't want him to have it so I said I'd already gotten rid of it now I can't go and sell it as they think it's already gone," John says, a little annoyed but not overly, as he shrugs on a jacket. "So I've got it locked up. As I said I've had no trouble with it."
"That's because by the nature of the curse the rightful owner isn't cursed. You got it sold to you so you're the rightful owner. I'm guessing Prince Edward, probably with my or my son's help, stole it that's why he and Roger kept running into spirits," I sigh no I don't know why I'm helping him.
"Ah—right. That would make sense. Hm, well, I've had no trouble with it and since two of my brothers and my father want it I'm probably going to keep it," John says.
"Don't suppose you could—tell us we could have it?" Oisin asks.
"No, does that cheat the curse or something? Absolutely not," he says.
"Yeah, figured," second most unhelpful person on the planet. "Fine, can I do a little—task for you for thirty thousand crowns?" For the most unhelpful person on the planet. See the family resemblance now?
"As it just so happens you can," he smiles.
"What?" Oisin asks, not even hiding his suspicion.
"I have three ships of mine, laden with treasure, that have been overtaken by pirates. Get rid of the pirates, and let a friendly crew take them back. I'll gladly pay you thirty thousand crowns," he says.
"Why were your ships taken by pirates?" I ask.
"I really don't know why you'd ask me that, Gideon."
"Is it because what is on them is something that you sold to someone else, have been paid for, but now pirates who were employed by you, took it, so sad you got the money already too late, and now the pirates who were supposed to bring it back weren't going to, so now you need me to get rid of them so that you can re steal your original property for a third time? Something like that?"
"Yes, remarkably, something, very similar to what you just said. In theory, we're never really going to know are we? Just what happened. The taxes on it, import export fees, it's very complicated and pirates and you, have nothing to do with me do you want the thirty thousand or not?" Very bitchy, again, see the resemblance?
"Want the money, just wanted to make sure you were making an absolute fortune on it," I say, raising my hands in surrender. 
"Oh, but of course," John smiles that same self satisfied smirk that will haunt his grandson's scarred face.  "Never fear about that."
"Yes, you always come out on top, all right, where are these ships?" I sigh.
"English Channel, can practically see them from here."
"You're taking us back and forth, let me help," Oisin says, taking my arm.
"Yeah okay you want to do two I'll do one?"
"Sure."
"I do need the ships intact, you two," John says, crossing to his desk. He of course has a map and the description and sketches of the ships.
"I'm little more subtle than Myrddin," I mutter. Always good to see what my chaotic offspring is up to in the past. Found wanted posters for him once that was fun. No not Kat, she's smart enough to give a fake name. Just him.
"And I've worked with both of you and not really, ships, intact, and ready to be retaken by my men. Shall we say by noon?"
"Sure," I say, watching the red dragon scurry on my skin.
"Let's do it," Oisin says, smacking a hand into his fist.
"You are not going to summon your dragons just to clear pirates off the ships—that isn't worth thirty thousand crowns—,"
"Oh can you summon the dragons yourselves? Thirty thousand, that's my price," I say, hands on hips, sassily.
"Twenty."
"Thirty five."
"That's going up, Gideon."
"I know, my time is valuable, and my price is going up, the longer we stand here talking, thirty five thousand you want those ships back or not?" I ask.
Oisin turns around and walks away for some reason.
"What you're being serious? You're charging me thirty five now for this? We agreed on thirty?"
"Did we agree? 'Cause I hadn't seen the job then and you're taking up more of my time," I say, arms folded, "I'm a busy wizard. I've got Wales to protect, apparently ships to plunder, a cursed sword you won't even give me permission to use—,"
"Fine, thirty five. You're a thief you know."
"Aren't we looting ships you paid to have kidnapped so you could collect insurance AND a sale on your goods?" I ask.
"Interestingly enough we are, sign there," he's writing up a contract.
I hold up a hand, levitating the quill to sign.
"Show off," John smiles.
"Your grace," I grin too.