Independence, at the Cost of the Pursuit of Happiness

7

(Immense trigger warning: talk of suicide)

Upon telling my former roommates in the south that I was home to stay, they immediately sent Tennessee to fetch me, and we had- as I guessed- a tearful reunion. They really were worried for me... and thankfully glad to see me back home.

I wish I could say that for all the states though...

"WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO THAT?! DID YOU THINK YOU COULD JUST FUCKING COME BACK LIKE IT NEVER HAPPENED!?" New York exclaimed. Goddamn...

"No, but what else was I supposed to do?!? If I stayed independent, y'all would hate me and I'd be all alone. If I came back, y'all would hate me, but we'd be together! So of course I decided on the latter!" I retort.

"Why'd you do it in the first place if you were just going to f*cking come back anyway?!" New York exclaimed. Everyone else was just staring at me... I just can't do this... fuck, please, please don't start crying...

I can't... I can't cry...

This is all my fault...

I just wanted to run away from my feelings...

I knew I didn't want to leave

I knew I would regret it

I knew I would regret everything

I knew I'd betray myself and text Cali

I knew I was fucking pathetic

I just couldn't stand dissappointing everyone I loved

And I was too much of a coward

If I wasn't a coward, this shit show wouldn't have happened

If I wasn't a coward...

"Oh great, now you're fucking crying. Cry me a fucking river. You are pathetic, do you hear me?! Why did you-,"

"BECAUSE IM TOO MUCH OF A FUCKING COWARD TO KILL MYSELF,"

Suddenly, everything goes silent

Deafening silence

The anger in everyone's faces turns to horrified realization

I fall to my knees, I barely feel in control of the screaming and crying escaping my lips...

Before I know it... I'm alone, with California and America. They're saying... I don't even know...

"Tex, please... Talk to me...," I hear California cry through the white noise. I hug him closer to me to let him know I'm back in the moment... he kisses my forehead, and I feel better...

"Texas, please tell me... you... you don't have a plan... do you...?" I hear America say. I close my eyes.

"I can't... I just can't leave... I don't wanna leave Cali... even when I moved I felt like I broke his heart... I'm so sorry Cali...," I sob gently. California is holding me in his arms like I'm a big baby... I sure am crying like one...

"Texas, I love you... I don't want you to leave us... b-because...," California cried. I knew that he really wanted to secede with me the second I left.... I knew if I died, he'd be following close behind...

"I will never do that to you," I say breathlessly. California just falls into our mutual embrace.

"Texas? H-hey, are you... ok?" I hear New York say from a small ways away.

"Fuck off... for the love of god... go away...," California sobbed.

"Cali, it's fine-,"

"It's not fine Tex... New York, you're my friend... but I need you to stay the fuck away from us.... You pushed my boyfriend to his limit and only started caring after he tells you he considered killing himself?! You think any sympathy you show him now makes up for that shit?! Just leave us alone until you really understand just how much you hurt him- and in turn, hurt us," California spat. Now, New York might not be the most empathetic person, but he was as good of a guy as any. He silently nodded, and left without another word.

"Cali... 'boyfriend'?" I say, slightly dumbfounded (out of a mix of everything else that happened today, I suppose). California kisses me softly on the lips in response... I hold him and kiss him harder.

A few weeks later... things start to calm down. I still feel awkward around a good number of states... but I know the few who always have my back will still be there for me...

Not only that, but a young girl at the park still occasionally gets my assistance worm-hunting...

I guess everything did work out in the end.

THE END

(Lol idk why I made this

Oh btw, I think Imma make a short Hanahaki caltex book

Why?

For the same reason I wrote 'Ames Best Friend'

Because gay

And this time, because gay Texas

Which is always awesome

Ok see ya)