The Moon and The Sun

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀O3. Pain

Pain comes in many different forms. We, as humans, try to avoid it. You can never run away from it. Even if you think you avoided a situation that might cause a horrible accident, there will be something that will.

Pain can occur physically nor mentally. The most dangerous type of pain comes from yourself. Don't believe me? Your brain can think of all the many things you said or did to hurt yourself. Is hurting yourself worse than hurting others? Or is thinking about yourself is "selfish"?

6:08 PM, Saturday night. It's happening again. Cries are heard from room 305, but nobody bothers. Nobody cares. Nobody listens.

"Stop crying, you look fucking stupid right now."

The flushed, exhausted man looks into his reflection. He's not admiring himself. It's the complete opposite. Tears run down is face as cheeks get bright pink.

The tanned-skin boy storms out of the restroom. But he goes back again. He proceeds to then wipe his tears off with the back of his hands. He takes 3 long deep-breaths, before turning on the faucet to cold and splashing his face with water. He walks past the towel, and looks at the mess he made at his desk. Notebooks and laptop out from studying, pens and highlighters out from annotating, pills and bottles of water from...

He rushes to clean up the mess before tears start to form. Once the area is clean, he lays down on his bed. The boy looks up to his ceiling. He thinks to himself.

I'm not enough.
People don't need me. They don't want me.
Shut up.
It's going to be okay, no it's not.
It'll all be over soon.

The air is cold. The sound of engines and the talking of individuals are muffled. Donghyuck feels the warmth of the sun on his tan skin from the window across from. And soon after, his eyes open.

He let's out a sigh, "I'm so sorry I dozed off again."

"No worries, take your time. I'll be here all day."

Day. It's 12:03 PM at the Yongseun Therapy Center and Doctor Kang has booked all of her hours for Lee Donghyuck.

"I don't know what I'm feeling. It's almost like a mix of grieve and pain, but it makes me feel so heavy, lost and confused. No one has ever inflicted pain on me before. I know I think negatively about myself, but people never see that." Donghyuck expressed.

"When did you start having this feeling," Doctor Kang asked.

"I don't remember. I do remember having them ever since I was in highschool though. They never stopped."

"Did they never stop, or did you just give up?"

Donghyuck was taken aback.

"Pardon?"

"You have the ability to get rid of these thoughts and feelings to better emotions. But you keep yourself from doing that by just saying 'fuck it'. Have you ever thought about a time where you were genuinely proud of yourself because no one 'made' you do it?"

Donghyuck takes a minute to himself. All he could think about are the times when he did stuff for validation for others, not himself. What made him do that? Why was he so eager to make the people around him happy, that he himself didn't care about his own feelings?