Nightvale's Archivist

A Totally Normal Conversation

     Jon wakes up to the obnoxiously loud ringing of an alarm. Wait... no, not an alarm, a phone. His phone to be exact. The shrill noise pierced through his already battered and beaten skull, worsening his headache.
      On one hand, he could answer it and make the noise stop. Unfortunately, that meant he'd have to talk to people. He doesn't want to do that. On the other hand, he could just let it go to voicemail and not deal with it.
But what if it's an emergency? What if something happened to his parents and they need him home right this instant? So many things could be wrong, and by just ignoring his phone he'd miss out on them.
He sighs and rolls out of bed, sleepily slapping at buttons on his phone until the call was answered. "Hello?" He hates that he sounds less than awake when he answers, but he supposes that there isn't much he could do about it.
"Hey Jon! Last night sure was fun wasn't it," ah, Tim. How is his head not killing him? "What answer will let you leave me to take some advil and pass out for another few hours?" Tim laughs on the other side. It's something light and and loud. He loves it.
  Jon shakes his head. He can't be falling in love so soon. Bad things happen when you fall in love with someone you just barely know. "I'm gonna take that as a 'I had too much fun,' then," Tim finally says. "Mm. You do that then, buddy," Jon noncommittally responds. "Just know I'll call you back after you've sobered up," he hears Tim warn before the dial tone plays.

Once Jon is much more sober and in much less pain, he begins going through a checklist of things that needed to be done. As far as he could tell, laundry and shopping were the main priorities.

He's in the middle of checking the price of an amazing tea blend when he hears his phone go off for the second time that day. "Hello Tim," his tone is flat, but that doesn't seem to have discouraged Tim at all.
"So how are we doing now, hm? Much less grumpy," Tim teases. Jon doesn't bother. "Right now I'm doing some grocery shopping. So unless you want to hear about the ever exciting wonders of English tea then by all means, continue antagonising me," he counters.
Tim bites. "Fair enough, I suppose. Although, we should get together again. Drinks after work next Friday sound good?" Jon groans internally. He's not built for this. "Nope. No more drinking. Maybe I'll see what's in Camden Market, go to the beach in Bournemouth where I grew up," he decides to grab a few spices to make his tea taste much better.
"Boring," Tim drags out the g, exaggerating how boring Jon's plan sounded. "You'd be surprised Tim. There's quite a few interesting things to be found in those towns," he argues. He knows there's no point in trying.
"Museums and beaches. That's all there is. And also more shopping. All of those options are boring," Tim whines. "If you say so. Although if I remember correctly they're having a sale on Girl Scout cookies there. And maybe also a few good books. Hopefully none of them belonged to y'know who," Jon wonders aloud.
"Leitner," he hears Tim snarl the name like a dog whose bone had been stolen. "Yes, although most don't say his name. I figured he'd have been killed by now," he tried to calm Tim down from whoever kilometers away he was from the man. "Probably not. Most likely one of those pretentious fucks who thinks he can live forever," from the sounds of it, Tim is back to insults and pettiness.
"He of all people should know immortality is nonexistent. Even the oldest of ancient gods succumb eventually," Jon remarks.

Tim stands still from shock. Jon can't just say raw shit like that with no warning. It's like a Tumblr post. It's all jokes and giggles and an all around dumb conversation. Then in comes someone who says a raw ass line in regards to the dumbassery and leaves.

"You're right, but the point is he doesn't believe that he himself will die," Tim is the one arguing now. "We all die eventually Tim. Our time has been limited since we first walked the Earth. Surely, he knows that his final moments are inevitable," he continues.
"I don't think he does. He's that much of a stuck-up arse." Jon lets out a sigh of desperation. "Tim. He will face death on his accord. He actively seeks it, as do we. Life is not a merciful woman, and for a man such as Leitner, much less so. He lost favour with her the minute he allowed his assistants to die and continued to sacrifice their lives in the pursuit of knowledge.
The Shadows will claim his soul when he dares to enter the darkness, rest assured," he calmly explains.
"Jon what the fuck," Tim mutters from his end. Probably didn't think the phone would've picked up his mutterings. "It's not as terrifying as you may think Tim," Jon reassures. Tim says it's still kind of creepy. In a Wednesday Addams kind of way.
"The Addams family were completely normal people, excuse you," he defensively says. "The urge to eat packing peanuts is a normal thing," he continues to argue. Tim tells him it isn't. "Damn. Forgot you weren't mentally ill for a minute there," he frowns.
    Tim grumbles out a goodbye and hangs up. He'll never understand that man, no matter how long they end up working together. At least he's good company.