A Holiday Deal

My Not Boyfriend of Five Years

Vera

I've been told I'm a hard person to love and an equally hard person to keep around. I can't help it that I'm on my toes a lot and have a competitive drive. I grew up competing in everything: Mathleats, school, and even Christmas. I suppose this competitive nature led me to where I am now—sitting in Disneyland in mid-December, holding a churro, contemplating how my apparently "not boyfriend" of five years walked away. All those paid trips to see me in Seattle and the years of anniversaries with "love, your boyfriend, Seth" tags on them apparently meant nothing and did not make Seth my boyfriend. He only asked me three times for that title five years ago, a full year into knowing him.
But apparently that's not important and Seth has much better things to do. Partying in California with his college buds and whatever girls he can find is much more to his speed as it turns out. That's what he's been enjoying doing for the past five years I thought we were together. I only had to glance at his unlocked, opened phone on the desk of our hotel room to know what was going on. A few short text messages summed up our relationship completely.

The Boys 😈🔥

Nick: man you are MISSING OUT! This chick is smoking!
Seth: ugh don't make me miss it dude!
Cole: why are you bailing on us tonight Walker?
Seth: you know I have to man!
Seth: I'm with V for the next few days
Nick: oh righttttt. Sometimes we do so much I forget you have a girl
Seth: I do not
Cole: idk what you call the woman who you bought a ring for but I'd call it a girlfriend
Seth: ugh she's my not girlfriend, remember?
Seth: She thinks we're dating so she's monogamous to me but I know we aren't so I can enjoy myself!
Seth: I mean- at some point bro, a man's gotta fulfill his urges and one woman can't do that. Not for me.

That was all I needed to see but of course my resident not boyfriend drama king decided to make a show of it. I pulled myself together and explained over lunch that his presence was no longer necessary and he could turn over his room key to me when he grabbed his bags. He took this about as well as you'd expect. Apparently I'm a brat and the only reason I'm doing this is because I feel guilty over not moving to California for him and now that I've seen what I caused, I want to blame him. Before he left he asked me if I knew what I was doing and I answered that I suppose I dodged a bullet.
That's how I ended up here, sitting in the late afternoon, on a bench on Main Street with a churro and regrets about signing off on a non refundable vacation. Now I have four days stuck in this place to burn even if I'd rather go gouge my appendix out. How could I have been so stupid? I let him treat me half like garbage and half like we're in high school and because I'm so determined to have a non demanding relationship I end up getting myself hurt.
Seth doesn't deserve my sadness but I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt still. I mean, it was five years and endless times he told me we needed to see each other more often.
"Excuse me miss," a voice I don't recognize says as a weight settles on the other side of the bench. "You shouldn't look so glum, you're in the happiest place on earth!"
I look up to find the epitome of Christmas cheer in a grown man shell. He's wearing a green Christmas sweater even though it's California and has a Disney pin that says "never too old to believe". His face looks equally happy with an ear to ear grin. Part of me wants to laugh at him for looking so much like a kid on Christmas when he's clearly over 6'.
"It's a little to personal for a stranger in a "holly jolly mood" sweater at Disney," I say, not unkindly.
"Then how about you come and ride Dumbo with me and after we've bonded you can tell me all about why you are sitting here alone sulking at Disney and looking at a churro like she hates it."
His words take me off guard and throw me off balance. I really am not looking to share my sob story, I'm trying to move on after all. Seth doesn't deserve my sadness. I shouldn't tell tales about our relationship and feel bad. I should focus on the here and now.
"Please," he asks when I don't respond. "For my sake?"
I look at him again and realize that this is who he is genuinely and I should accept it.
"One ride. For your own sake." I warn, "I make no promises to divulge my baggage."
Admittedly, the ride, and 45 minute wait that came with it, wasn't so bad. For a moment I thought that I wanted to be here. I let my mind drift to what if for a moment before catching myself and reprimanding. I will not tell tales. I will focus on what's actually happening and needs to happen.
"About time for introductions I'm afraid," he says with a smile. "I'm James."
He seems so genuinely himself. I will not tell tales.
"My name is Veronica but most people call me Vera," I reply. "Thank you for sharing a Dumbo ride with me James."
I will focus on the here and now.
"It was a blast! Always good to make memories, with strangers or new friends." James continues, "so tell me why you looked so down."
I do what obviously needs to happen. "My apparently not boyfriend of five years," I answer. "He cheated, and I found out."