I started to cry again remembering how johns touch felt all over my body. I was alone in my closet with the door closed, crying. I didn't like to cry. It was horrible. Only John and Linda and Nancy have seen my horrible tears. There was one day where I couldn't take it. The fans, the interviews, the pictures, the rumors. I was overwhelmed. It was some month in 1965 and it was hard. I wasn't feeling well and I couldn't handle it. No human being could. I was alone in the bathroom and was balling. John hadn't been paying that much attention to me and had had lots of birds over in our bed that broke my heart. The bathroom door was locked and I had cut my wrists a few times. Not horrible though. Then there was a knock on the door. "Paul. Let me in. Baby please what's wrong?"
That made me mad. What did he bloody think was wrong?!
"Baby?! What happened to the 30 some odd birds you've had in OUR bed the last month?!?!?!" I yelled through the door. I heard a sniff and his voice was soft.
"Baby. Please. Just open the door. I-I love you."
"You'll hate me."
"Baby no I won't. Nothing in this world could make me hate you. Even if I tried you know I wouldn't succeed." I slowly opened the door and his face softened even more. He looked down at my wrists and shoved softly passed me and closed and locked the door behind him. He took my limp wrists in his hands and took a soft towel and got it wet. Laying it on my wrists and pressing it hard, he then took my head and laid down on the floor. He took me and laid me on top of him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his soft lips. He ran his hands through my hair. "Baby boy, what's wrong?"
"Just hold me in your arms and tell my everything will be okay in the end."
He took my tight shirt off and rubbed me all over. Every inch of my body.
I soon fell asleep in his arms and woke up the next morning to johns beautiful face.
Oh how I miss that.
