obsession with money

5

Vera

"Q, I know what I'm involving myself in. Just, just leave me be." I'm tired of everything, I just want to get this over with. We've been in the cell where they chained us for the past 15 minutes but Q just doesn't seem to want to give up on asking the questions and I'm fucking exhausted. "leave you be? You make it sound so easy. You think I could just leave you here and go back to living my life? I don't know if this is you or your fucked up mind speaking." I'm growing mad to every words she speaks. 

"Stop it Q." I gritted the words through my clenched teeth. I've been fisting my hand for so long and my palm starts to bleed by my nail itself. But I can't seem to feel the pain. I just need Q to stop and I don't think I can hold it for so long. And I'm scared. "I don't give a fuck V and you know that, if you're going down I'm coming with you." She couldn't finish her sentence before I cut her off. 

"CAN YOU PLEASE STOP ACTING LIKE YOU CARE FOR ME? I'M TIRED, I'M HONESTLY SO FUCKING TIRED. I'VE BEEN BRINGING ALL OF YOU DOWN WITH ME WITH MY UNLUCKY ASS. I JUST CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE. YOU GOT A WHOLE ASS FUCKING LIFE OUT THERE WAITING FOR YOU SO DON'T BE A DUMBASS AND STUCK WITH ME. WE BOTH KNOW I'VE GOT NO TIME." I shouted trying to control my breathing. Crying? I don't even feel any remorse after I shout. I just want Q and Al to hate me and walk out on me. 

"V, what do you mean by no time?" Al ask. Before I can explain, Q hug me and it threw me off guard seeing that she hates to be hug. "Shh relax V. It's fucking true I don't care about you. But I'll not hesitate to kill everything that's blocking your happiness. Don't, just don't start the bullshit 'I'll die soon what's the point of caring for someone'. I fucking love you, and always will. Trust me if you're gonna die, its gonna be in my hands." She whispered while rubbing my back which makes me chuckle. "Please just go and live your life." I whisper again hoping she'll go away, leaving me. 

"Nah my life's boring, I'd rather stuck with your annoying ass" she said and add "You might want to explain to the bitch standing there dumbfounded" She jokes, note the point Q rarely jokes.

"Al I need you to listen to me without cutting me off. Can you do that?" I ask while holding her hands and I avoids the eye contact. It hurts so much. "I actually doesn't expect that I'll break it to you like this, in this situation but I need your understanding please. I have lung cancer. I've had it for the past 2 years. Remember when I fainted on a mission." She nodes and I proceeded. "Yeah that's when I know. I intended to keep it a secret but Q somehow finds my report and I had a whole mental breakdown with her. Guess what, she didn't cry and before I come to any conclusion like I always do she said that 'If I cry and It'll help you, I'll gladly do it for you. And I definitely not gonna feel sympathetic for your ass, you better get that ass up and go for treatments' And yes Al, I went for chemotherapy and trust me it doesn't hurt at all. But I just decide to stop cause it's not thrilling at all. I'm a fighter Al, If I'll risk my life for you, why wouldn't I do it for myself." I whisper the last part and snap my eyes up just to see her eyes getting glossy. Q and I might not cry but I know Al well. She couldn't hide her pain well like I do. 

"Tell me this is a prank please." She whispers, I can hear the crack in her voice. Oh Lord please just this one last time give me strength. "Yeah Al, whatever makes you sleep at night" I said while chuckling before she hug me so tight as if she's afraid that I'll vanished into the air. "How long" She ask and I know what she's referring to. "A year. If I take chemo might as well last for 2 more years." I said and she nodded not leaving me while I rubbing her back. "Al, go. This life isn't for you. I've done enough by dragging your ass doing illegal shit. And see what I've got us into. Guilt are gonna eat me up one day Al." 

"Tell me if the guilt give you pleasure" She said and I furrowed my brows. "What?"

"You said guilt gonna eat you up, If its pleasurable then you have to give me some" I chuckle. Only Al will turn everything dirty. She finally break the hugging thingy. "Cigarettes?" Oh god. "No. I don't keep it with me right now." Q hates when we smoke and Al's doing it purposely knowing Q she'll give me a whole ass lecture. You might think the lecture's boring but no. Its the scariest fucking lecture you'll ever listened to and I'm not planning to piss my pants. "Really?" Al ask while waving my cigarettes packs on the air.

"Al gimme back." I said before Q hold my wrist making Al run like a kid. I sigh. Finally back to normal. "Let her. She needs something to cope right now." Q said and pull me into a hug again. What's with her today?

"V, I was so terrified tonight. Do not pull something behind my back, you fucking understand?" I nod. "I feel like everything crumples for a while after I saw Al and you at the picture that bastard show me and I'm not intending to feel that feeling again. It's painful. Ple-please don't stop fighting V" First time I heard Q's voice crack. I made that. I made a woman who hates crying, cry. I made the stone cold woman express her feelings openly. I did all the horrible stuff, guess that's why god hates me after all. I deserve it

"Sometimes, the fight's not worth winning, Q" I whisper and decided to end this depression mode. "Q, I think we need to get Al as soon as possible. Her coping mechanism is as bad as your advice." Q chuckle. "Yeah, right." We then laugh together before she lock my head in a headlock and drag my ass towards to where I don't know.