The next couple of weeks go by slowly as my brain is on a constant reminder of the live shows. Every time I remind myself that I could be performing live, my stomach feels like it's full with bats and snakes. It's an uncomfortable feeling and that's the only way I can describe it.
I focus on my current position which is at school- doing exams. I shove as much information and facts into my head the night before the exam and I can't help it. I've never had a long attention span, I can't spend weeks revising for hours on end. I physically and mentally can't. I can sit down with a book but that's about it, I can look at it but nothing sinks in until the last couple of hours where I brainstorm everything I know and get a couple of friends to throw some facts at me in a way I'd remember.
My friends are supporting me a lot, not just because I was on TV and not just because they saw that Isaac boy and instantly had a crush on him, but because they know how hard that was for me and how hard juggling my anxiety and exams and everything else is. And I'm honestly so grateful for the few friends I have who actually help me and care about me as a person and not me as a 'wimpy girl on tv'.
After my fourteenth exam, I decide to skip class and go take a well deserved break. I grab a milkshake from the cute little shack shop, pay for it and then take the long walk home as I like being alone a lot.
My mind wanders as I slurped my milkshake and stare at the environment surrounding me. It is so pretty and it amazes me how people can sit outside with a notebook and pen and just start writing. They can write poems, stories or even songs.
The only thing that frustrates me is that is seems fake. I will take a sheet of paper outside and look at everything and take it all in but nothing. Absolutely nothing. I can write down things but it either turns out as a list or some cheesy line in some cliche song.
My phone vibrates against my waist and I slide it out of my school blazer pocket. The light shines off it and I can't see the screen but it continues to vibrate. Not like a call though. Like a wave of notifications.
I turn up the brightness and walk into the shade under a tree.
My phone shows 12 unread messages and a couple of twitter and instagram notifications. My eyes scan the list of names until I see 'mum' and I automatically swipe the phone on her name, unlocking my phone and directing me straight to the 4 messages from her.
What time are you home tonight? x
I continue to scroll down...
Kate is coming for dinner tonight and Alex will be with her so make sure you're here ASAP. x
...
I picked you a dress out at the store today and it's on your bed. x
...
Call me! x
I decide not to leave her enough time to text me and I call her, knowing what the call will consist of.
It's not that I don't like my mother, in fact, that's way off because I love her and all but her expectations are set too high for me. She understands that my anxiety gets in the way a lot but she doesn't understand how it does, if that makes sense... She'll push me to 'better' things even if they aren't what I want all because she thinks it will 'help me', even though I know it won't.
But she understands my need for music and I kind of like that. She may not like it or agree with it but she understands. Possibly because she thinks that it will go down the drain soon so then I can start working for 'better things', but it doesn't really get better than my passion for music.
"Hey, I'm on my way back." I say to the other line.
"Okay, hun, just make sure you're not late." I can hear the excitement in her voice.
"Right, Alex..."
"You don't need to sound so dull, you and him used to be the best of friends and with him being away all the time, you don't get to see him as much so-"
"I get it, mum. I'll be home soon, bye."
And then I just hang up.
The whole situation with this Alex boy is weird. It's not like she's trying to set us up but she defiantly wants something to happen... Since he went off to Uni and became this fancy hotshot after discovering an element or something clever like that, his mum sort of took control of his life and started trying to set it up so he could work as his best and not have to worry about finding a girl. She took it into her own hands and started talking to my mother, who has been her friend for years now, and she thought of the bright idea to bring me into the situation. Despite the age difference of like 3 years, they both seemed to think it was a good idea and legal.
I make it sound like an arranged marriage but it's not. I'm not marrying anyone, especially not some posh prick who's too far up his own ass to see what's really happening.
I get that we used to be close friends but now we have nothing to talk about as he hates all the music I adore and only wants to talk about science. And in all honesty, I'm not attracted to him. Not even the slightest bit. In fact, his presence annoys me a little too much...
But yes mum, I'll be there tonight...
YOU ARE READING
South Coast ((Isaac Waddington Fanfic))
Fanfiction"The reason that you dance and sing is to make the audience feel like they're dancing and singing. As long as you're having fun with it and giving it 100 percent, they're gonna feel that." -Heath Ledger
