Heartbeat ~ A Heartstopper Sickfic Story

~ chapter 3 - help ~

THE NEXT CHAPTER CONTAINS MENTIONS OF SUICIDAL IDEATION AND SELF HARM.

PLEASE REFRAIN FROM READING THIS CHAPTER IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THESE CERTAIN TOPICS.

Nick sat staring at the wall, at nothing, until he saw a nurse open the door and walk over to his bed. "Nicholas Nelson, Dr. Saunders is ready to see you now," the nurse spoke quietly.

Upon hearing these words from the nurse, Nick carefully rose from his bed and walked tiredly to the doctor's office, followed by that of the nurse who had called him. He sat himself down on the examination table, tapping his fingers together as he felt his breathing start to pick up slightly. 

"Hello, Nicholas. I'm Dr. Saunders, your primary care physician. Am I right to say I'm here to help you with your heart problems?" Nick nodded, a sad expression on his face, upset with himself. He didn't want to be sick, and it was mentally draining on him. 

Nick placed a hand around his right wrist, secretly measuring his heart rate as he listened to the doctor, scared that something was really wrong. He counted silently in his head, quietly whispering to himself. "1... 2... 3... 4... 5... 6... 7... 8..."

He looked up to see the doctor watching his mouth as he whispered, then looked down to see his fingers pressed against his pulse. "Are you okay, Nicholas?" The doctor asked in a calm tone. "You seem fairly nervous."

Nick nodded slightly and restarted his counting as Dr. Saunders placed a stethoscope against his chest, listening to his heart pounding as Nick's breathing began to pick up again. He watched his hands begin to tremble, the doctor luckily not paying attention as he took the stethoscope out of her ears and began to write notes on her computer at her desk. Nick's head started to gather with buzzing thoughts.

You're such an idiot, Nick.

If you weren't such a freak, you would have been fine.

But you're not.

You deserve to die from whatever this is.

Nick stopped himself in his tracks, feeling his eyes start to sting. He felt a slight pressure in his chest as he started to come back to his senses after his weird zone-out. He looked over at Dr. Saunders' desk as she sat in her chair, still writing notes on the computer. He felt a tear against his cheek.

Did he really just say that?

He just told himself that he should die.

And he didn't regret his words.

What was he thinking?

He looked up to see Dr. Saunders looking at Nick, a clipboard in her hands. "Nicholas, please do your best to explain your symptoms to me. Give yourself as much time as you need." Upon listening, Nick delved deep into his mind to find what to say, but all he found was nothing.

The tests.

The blood work.

The countless wires.

The chest x-rays and scans.

He was tired.

He was just tired of everything.

To Nick, they all just seemed pointless. I doubt any of this will help, Nick thought, tears welling up in his eyes, until his mind flashed back to his local doctor's office.

The memories came flooding back of Nick and his mum, sitting with doctor after doctor, getting countless checkups, describing his symptoms, running tests, only for them to take note of Nick's chest pain and prescribe him painkillers. The painkillers didn't even help much; they just took away the pain and replaced it with discomfort, making Nick feel even worse.