melancholy

A trip...

Kathir and Mullai reached Karaikudi in half an hour, it was a short journey, they could have come by bike but it was given for service and the  appointments for both the clinics were fixed for the following day. Both of them had relatives in the city, but they had already made a decision about not staying with any of them. Mullai had booked a hotel near the bus stand using an App and they made their way there for check in...

"Next time kandippa bike le varalam" Kathir got the duffel bag from Mullai as he slowed his pace to match hers. She nodded, "Nammalukku theriyathu la, ivlo sikkirama consultation kedaichidum nu" she said, taking out her wallet to show her Aadhar card for the check in process and it was over in a jiffy.. The manager sent a worker to show them to their room. It was dainty, tidy and well maintained. The worker told them that the kitchen worked 24 hours and room service could be ordered anytime and he left after wishing them a good night.

It took them time to settle down, Karaikudi was certainly not a new place to the couple, it was the anxieties of the following day that kept Mullai awake in the night. Kathir, who had the mind blowing knack of falling asleep instantly, was also awake. He could sense that Mullai was restless. He turned towards his right and switched on the lamp... "Ennanchu Mullai.. Thookam varaliya?" He asked, grabbing her hip and turning her to face him. She nodded, her eyes, wide on her pale face...

"Neraiya tests edukkanom nu bayama irruka Mullai?" He asked.. He knew that she was a bit afraid of needles. "Aama... Last ah blood test eduthathu naa pregnant ah irruntha mothu, aana appo vali therila yena manasula avlo santhosham irrunthuchu, aana ippo bayam mattum dhan" she sniffed. He place a comforting hand on her neck. "First entha hospital nu decide pannittu approma namma test edukkalam illana rendu thadava edukka vendiyatha irrukkum" he said, rubbing the apple of her cheek with his thumb..

"Kaasu patthie kavala padatha Mullai.. Unnakku entha hospital pudichirukko, entha doctor kitte nee comfortable ah irrukiyo, adha sollu, evlo fees aanalum paruvala.. Samaluchikkalam.. Seriya?" He asked, nudging her chin and she nodded.. "Ippo thoongu... Kalailae sikirama enthurikkanom" Kathir placed a soft kiss on his wife's lips and put his chin on the top of her head as she nuzzled his neck and closed her eyes...

****

The following morning after eating the complimentary breakfast, the duo went to their first appointment at 10. Mullai was surprised to see it so crowded... It was filled with mostly young couples like themselves with two or three older couples. They waited for a long time before they were called in. And once inside, the first thing that the doctor did on hearing that they had been married for five years was break down the expenses and the success and failure ratio of the procedure. Mullai found it intimidating, the doctor then asked them whether they had their breakfast and was unhappy when they told her that they had eaten just before coming there. She wanted them to take some blood tests in their hospital and meet them again the very same day..  Kathir gave some excuse and he pretty much pulled Mullai out of that hospital.

They walked in the crowded streets for five minutes, Mullai, had her head down in annoyance. "Va ingae polam" said Kathir leading her towards an ice cream shop, they found a corner and he ordered her favorite strawberry ice cream with cherries and chocolate sauce as toppings. "Avungalukku ithu oru business dhan.. Adhan ippadi behave pannanga" said Mullai, placing the bottled water back on the table ferociously. "Konjam kude ingidham illadhavunga" she muttered... "Adutha clinic better ah irrukkum nu nambikkai veppom Mullai... Appadi athuvum set aagala na, adutha vaaram vera hospital polam" he said, sounding more positive than he felt..

Gloominess is meaningless in the face of ice cream and that is what happened to our jodi as well.... Their vexation disappeared and soon they were laughing and talking jovially... They stepped outside, having a few hours of free time with no idea of where to go.. "Aii Mullai, pesama thaen aaru pona enna? Ingeirrunthu kitte dhan" suggested Kathir.. "Yehn marupadiyum naa thanni kulla vizhurathukka?" She asked smiling.. "Naan marupadiyum yehn shirt eh kaluti tharathukku ready" said Kathir, laughing as his wife shoved him playfully.

They went back to their hotel, after deciding that it was too warm to go anywhere else... An afternoon nap was like a treat for them and they slunbered deeply and after waking up, they ordered room service and left just in time for their final appointment at R.K Hospital and Maternity Care. The building was huge and spacious, the workers in their mint green uniforms were polite and had warm smiles... Mullai could feel positive vibes in the place.. They were ushered in to meet their doctor, Dr. Rajashree Karunakaran immediately... The doctor was in her late fifties, with short gray hair, a kind face and dressed in a crisp, cotton saree.

She spoke about general things, their jobs, their families, etc to put them at ease and slowly began learning their medical history. "Kalyanam aagi ethana varusham aachu?" She asked, her pen poised in her hand, waiting to jot down the answer.. "Five years aaguthu doctor" replied Mullai. Dr.R.K noted the answer. "Ithula ethana varusham kolanthai kaga try panninga?" was the next question. Kathir and Mullai exchanged glances.. They were a pro when it came to understanding what each glance meant. He knew immediately that Mullai had decided that this was going to be their hospital.

"Yehn kekkuren na, marriage aana varushamum, active ah baby kaga try panna time um vithyasama irrukalam" she explained on noticing their hesitancy... "Conceive panna try pannathu rendu varusham doctor" said Mullai and then told her about the diagnosis of 'Unexplained Infertility', her miscarriage and that after that they weren't intimate until recently. The Doctor listened patiently, "Intha journey rombha smooth ah pogum, ellamae positive ah irrukkum nu naa ungalukku false hope kudukka matten, naan yehn idhae sollurren na, oru couple ah neenga rendum perum oruthar ku oruthar supportive ah irrukanom, appo ithu unga bond eh strengthen pannum" she said with a kind smile.

"Yehn IVF nu decide panninga?" She asked the all important question and Mullai told her that she felt that this was the best option for them. Dr.R.K didn't speak about the fees, or the huge cost. She called a worker and asked her to take the couple to another doctor who will explain the entire procedure to them.

The second doctor took forty minutes to explain everything clearly and for the couple, the time went by quickly for she explained it in simple words and they marveled at how far science had come... Dr.R.K called them once again into her room.. "Ungaloda wishes eh dhan naan mathikanom, aanalum three cycles ku neenga natural ah try pannuringala?" She asked courteously, and waited while Kathir and Mullai looked at each other.. "Naan unga rendu peyirkum medicines kuduppen, follicle stimulating hormones, sperm motility and mortality eh increase pannura medicines, ellamae naan provide pannuran... neenga healthy ah saaptu, intimate ah irrunga.. Paapom.... Just three period cycles, athu kapprom we'll go in for IVF... Ithu verum oru suggestion dhan... Final ah unga decision dhan.. Take your time and let me know" Her phone rang and the couple stepped outside to discuss...

"Three months dhana Mullai.. Try pannalama?" He asked, getting the file from her and pulling up a chair... "Unnoda ishtam dhan Mullai" he added and she shook her head.. "Illae.. Neengalum ungaloda mudivae sollunga... Ithu nammaloda journey.. Naan mattum ithula important kedaiyathu" she said firmly. "Unnakku enna thonuthu Kathir.. Adha sollu" He took a deep breath... "Ennakku try pannalam nu thonuthu Mullai.. Munu maasam dhanae... Result enna vena irrukattum, iyarkaiya try pannom ndra thripthi irrukum" he held her hand and squeezed her palm.

Mullai had a sinking feeling in her heart ... She felt as if time was not on their side, in a few months, it would be their sixth wedding anniversary and still they were no where close to having a child. It seemed as if an insurmountable mountain loomed ahead of her but she caught sight of Kathir's face and the feeling passed... She felt instantly lighter, whatever lay ahead of them, she had him by her side and what more did she need! Mullai nodded... "Three months dhanae, odidum... Try pannalam" she smiled as her husband grinned at her.

Then went back in to share their decision to Dr.R.K and she was glad that they listened. "Ungalala aduthathu eppo vara mudiyumo, athukku muntha naal, please call and make an appointment.. Rendu peyirkum tests edukkanom" she said, scribbling some things in the note pad and giving it to them. "Next time varamothu idhae eduthuttu vanga" She then wished them best wishes and ushered them out with a smile.

They checked out of the hotel later that night.. On the way back to Kunnakudi, Mullai stared at the dark, winding roads outside, while Kathir, his head on her shoulder, dozed peacefully. It took all her will to not worry... This time she was going to leave everything to God.. 

And that thought gave her so much of peace.  

Tbc...