Every Memory Repeats

Chapter 1

Marlena's hands shook as she pulled John's old case file from her filing cabinet. She had practically begged him to allow her to treat him. His words played over, and over again in her mind, "How many patients have you slept with?" The answer was one. She'd slept with one patient, and their relationship was so intertwined, she'd found herself in a near panic at the thought of him seeking help from another psychiatrist. Marlena was well aware that she was walking a fine line of professionalism. Many others in her field might argue that she had already crossed that line in agreeing to treat her ex-husband. Their story was complicated, nuanced, and full of passion, love, fear, regret, desperation, loss, and trauma. Her body had almost collapsed in relief when he had agreed and allowed her to make their first appointment.

She had decided to stay late at the office to look over his file. Their appointment was scheduled for tomorrow morning, and Marlena hoped, she prayed, that through hypnosis and therapy, she might be able to help John reconcile his current life with his missing past. She needed to do that, and she needed to be a part of that. In her mind, they needed to finish the journey they started together. John's words continued to roll about her mind, "How many patients have you slept with?"

Stefano had come into their lives and sent them all on a collision course. Her memories from the five years she was missing were slowly returning to her. It started with dreams, or flashes of memory with no context. There were nightmares of herself sitting across from Stefano, while they played chess. He would smile across the board at her, while she would jolt awake with a cold fear of dread lancing her body. Roman sometimes slept on the couch or in the guest room, because if Marlena wasn't having nightmares, he was.

Roman never talked about his nightmares. Roman never discussed the past at all. His missing seven years with Stefano, or her past with John. He didn't discuss any of it, even though Marlena had tried to on several occasions.

When she'd last seen John, he was looking haggard, as if his nightmares were ruining his quality of sleep as well. All three of them forced into a complex game of cat and mouse without their consent. All three of them still suffering, even though the man responsible was supposed to be dead.

Looking down at John's file, she remembered starting it. He'd been seeing her unofficially, with hypnosis sessions in her home. John probably wasn't even aware that she'd started a file on him, or that she'd kept it all these years. By the time she'd realized he had amnesia, she was already half in love with him. Helping him had simply been the next step, and he had been so nervous about the whole process, not sure if he could trust her or not. Marlena simply could't imagine going through life with no knowledge of who you were, or where you came from. John's current plight was bringing up all of those old feelings, and she couldn't bear to see him in pain. She remembered a conversation with John nearly ten years earlier...

"I am not treating you as a patient," Marlena said softly, touching his arm to get his attention.

John leaned closer, looking to see if anyone was watching them, and whispered, "Then what exactly would you call it?"

"I-I'm helping a friend."

Relief washed over him, and he asked her, "You allowed to do that?"

"Help a friend?" she repeated with a sweet smile, that made his body tremble with want.

John continued,"And-and still be a...you know, a psychiatrist?"

"This may come as a terrible shock to you, but underneath all those degrees that I have, I'm a person, and I'm actually allowed to have friends. I'm even allowed to ask how they are, without putting them on a sofa somewhere—"