ᴍɪɴᴅ ɢᴀᴍᴇs

| 2 |The one that got away

The loud buzzer of the facility woke me up, the bright led lights on the ceiling the same blinding white of the walls shouldn't be a problem anymore, but I don't think I will ever get used to the feeling of despair these walls hold.

'Good morning, baby'

I feel lips being softly pressed on my cheek, but as always, there is no one there.

It's been a week on the new facility, a week of the new medication, I had hope that by now my head would be clear, but all that has happened is the increase of anxiety attacks and I am sure this paranoid feeling is coming from the medicine.

But I can't tell this to the doctor.

I'm tired, and now I will do whatever it takes to get out of here.

I wish I could block my mind from myself, but Ares is a ghost in there, taking residence in my thoughts, using my own feelings against me.

'I just want what is best for you'

I scoff loudly, this time will be different, I can feel it.

Three rapid knocks on my door and it is opened, usually two guards accompany me but the doctor said that we need to trust each other, so I'm in my best behavior, which rewarded me with one less dickhead to keep an eye one me.

"Good morning, ready for breakfast?" The guard that I am yet to learn the name says to me.

I don't engage on stupid conversations, the least facility guards where perverts, when one came to my room after sleep time and tried to touch me Ares lost it, I didn't see him, only heard the terrifying crack of the guards neck and saw the blood coming out of his mouth.

To say I froze in time is understandable, I couldn't do anything but lay in my bed, looking at the corpse while Ares kept petting me like a scared cat waiting for the morning to come so they could take him from there.

I follow my new guard around never-ending corridors whilst he keep talking and talking.

At one point I was so inclined to take the gun from his holster and shot my own head when he started to talk about the weather, like, dude I'm locked up, when did I last see the the fucking sky.

The dinner hall was packed, full of crazy people like me, I watched in amusement while the guard lead me to my table - where I had to be kept in 24 hours surveillance - the other people.

Some kept talking to the voices by themselves, there was a young woman that was feeding her own hand.

There was the ones that never talked, but you could see the rage in their eyes, Bob was among them, I don't even know why. I saw him last week in the group 'bonding' and found him interesting, he thinks he is a butterfly.

'He is more like a moth'

I roll my eyes.

As soon as I sit, a plate is placed in front of me, the usual meal we receive is toast, eggs, coffe (for those who the doctors approve), milk or tea.

It's not long before I'm again, sitting in front of Dr.Crestani, her clean office smells like lemons, a huge contrast from the bleach of the rest of this place.

"Good afternoon, how did you sleep? Have you been feeling anything different lately?" Dr. Crestani ask me, taking her pen and little notebook.

"Good, I've been feeling weird, doctor, do you think it's because of the medicine?" I say with such concern that even I believed my theatrics for a while.

"Weird? It could be... what do you feel?" She leans on her desk to look closer to me.

"I can't sleep right, it's like I only feel sleepy at night, and my head..." I put my hands in my head and look at her with wide eyes. "It's like... calm and silent, is there something wrong with me doctor!?" I ask.

'There is no way she is going to believe this shit'

I know she has my previous reports, the difference between statements must be enough for her to think that her medicine is making wonders in me.

But I can't just use them, I need to change myself too.

I am ready to accept that there is something wrong with me, and I am ready to treat me better and make it all disappear.

I want to be normal.

'Baby you are normal, don't listen to them.'

I want to be happy.

'I can make you happy, please, don't do nothing stupid, love.'

I want to be free.

'I'm sorry...'

"No! There is nothing wrong, those are great news!" She exclaims, I can see the excitement in her eyes, one more crazy dodo for her to cure, she is proud of herself.

"Okay, thank you doctor." I give her an honest smile.

*

Back in my room after the long day I lay down to formulated my plan, I don't want to live this life anymore.

'Baby...'

Lips on my forehead and temple, I don't open my eyes, I doubt that he is here and for once I need to remind myself that I am sick, this is not normal.

'I am here, look at me in the eyes and tell me you really believe this shit you are saying.'

I take a deep breath and open my eyes, the first thing I see are hands, big and veiny, black nail polish on every finger and so many rings.

He takes a wild strand of hair and put it behind my ear, I don't think I'm strong enough to look at his face, so I keep exploring the rest of him.

Black pants and shirt, his arms are no doubt 3 times bigger then mine.

Muscles and tattoos are the first thing you notice, but I guess it makes sense, if he is in my imagination it would be only right if it created a sexy as hell of a men, he definitely came out of my deepest desires.

He holds my jaw with his thick fingers and force me to look at him in the eyes, the dark pools stare at me like a ocean of black ready to drown me in it's deep end.

He chuckles deeply, no doubt finding my thoughts funny.

'Tell me, am I not real?'

I hear his voice, it hugs my mind and goosebumps form on my skin, but his mouth never opened, I don't know if its a dream, if I'm already so lost in the desire to have someone that my mind came up in a young age a mirage to entertain me.

'I'm here baby, I'll always be here, don't do this to yourself, to us...'

The way that he whisper, the sadness that now adorns his black ink eyes bring me misery.

Can I give up all of this, this feeling of being whole when he is here for the sake of being normal?

'You are normal, love, I am so sorry for everything.'

"Please, leave."

'Say my name, I need to hear it.'

I close my eyes for a second, this foreign sadness isn't mine but I feel it I my bones, my eyes watering at the thought of never feeling this touch again.

"Please, Ares. I want to be normal."

He brings his thumb to clean a tear that betrayed me and fall.

'Is this really what you want?'

"Yes." No.

'Don't forget about me, I'll always be here... I'll wait for you, just call my name. I love you, from the deepest of hell, to the highest of heavens.'

He comes closer, his plump lips a centimeter away from mine, but I don't get the chance to react because as soon as I blink he is gone.

And I never felt emptier.