Recovery || Ruikasa (DISCONTINUED)

confrontation

RUI POV

TW: IMPLIED SH, IMPLIED ED, VERBAL ABUSE, HOMOPHOBIA

"Tsukasa, we just need to talk for, what, five, ten, minutes? Then we can just have some fun at the park together." I try not to sound threating, I still want him to feel safe around me. I finally got an opportunity to talk to him, and I don't wanna fuck it up.

He looks up at me, he takes a deep breath, before starting to speak. "Rui, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have, It's my fault. I'm sorry I made you worried. I hope you can forgive me."

I stop. What? Why is he apologizing to me? Shit, did I fuck up somehow? 

"Why are you apologizing to me? You didn't do anything wrong." I say, confused and sad at the same time. He lifts up his sleeve. As expected, fresh cuts. They aren't bandaged, and I sit in shock at how dep and painful he made them.

"Rui, I did this myself. You worried for me, and I was rude to you. I'm sorry." 

I can't stand it anymore. "Look Tsukasa, I'm trying not to get mad or anything here." Tsukasa's face changes. "But I didn't come here for an apology. I came to comfort you. I don't need to know what you did to yourself, I need to know why you did it. Please Tsukasa, I want to help."

After staring blankly at me for a moment, he blurts out, 

"Ruka, class 4B. She told me to do it. She told me to starve myself because I'm an ugly fat whore. She told me to kill myself because nobody wanted me. And you know what, I actually listened to her. I tried, and I did. I hate myself for it, but every time I try to stop, I remember what she said to me. and then I cut myself and hate myself even more."  He pauses for a second to take a breath.

"Am I talking to much? Should I stop?" I shake my head, he takes another breath, before starting up again. 

"I felt so much guilt after the first time I did it. But when I had class again with Ruka, She came up to ask me, Did you try yet? I started crying right in the middle of class. Everyone In my math class, staring at me, as she pulled up my sleeve. They didn't try to do anything about it. In fact, they laughed at me. They yelled terrible stuff at me, about me. And what was this all for? Just because Ruka found out I was-" He pauses and looks at me. "Gay.."

I stare in shock. All that happened to him, and what? Because he's...gay? I picture if I was the one coming out, all that happening to me. It's too much to take in, I just stare. 

I can see tears gathering in his eyes. "Rui, promise me you don't think any less of me because I'm gay. If you do, I'm sorry Rui, but I can't change that." 

Frantically I speak out, "No, No! Tsukasa, why would I? Plus, I'm Bi, I thought you already knew?" I see his eyes light up. He looks a bit happier.

 "Just so you know Tsukasa, she's a complete bitch. And here, you should listen to Nene. Remember when she said don't listen to people if their complete jackasses? Listen to her. I think you beautiful. I think no less of you because you self harmed or are gay. I hope you know that no one else should think less of you for stupid things like that. I love you for who you are Tsukasa. Now do you just want to stop worrying about this for at least a couple minutes and enjoy some time at the park with me?" 

He smiles and hugs me. I look down at him. I smile too. If he's finally happy, I am happy.

"And it's super hot outside, you can take off the sweatshirt. And if anyone has something to say about your scars, I'll fuck them up." He smiles and laughs a bit, as he unzips his sweater and pulls it off of his shoulders. I can't stand it. I pull the rest of his sweatshirt off. He jumps and looks at me. 

"Now, come on. Let's go walk around and enjoy the park. Ok, Tsukasa?" He makes his grip even stronger, pulling me off the bench. I spin a bit, losing my balance for a second before gripping it back. Tsukasa laughs at me and I give him a cold glare.

For once, he's happy. For once, I'm happy.

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