Just Yesterday

Famous

My mother nudged me until I awoke. The day had finally arrived. I was returning to school. My eyes struggled to open. My lashes were a tight fist, unwilling to l loosen its grip. Finally they opened, and I stared at the ceiling. The feeling of nausea slowly coming into place. I could feel my body objecting to the thought of me actually leaving my bed.

I managed to stand up, but a quick spin of my vision caused me to lose balance. I stood up once more. The pain in my stomach eased as I gained little energy from three hours of sleep. I made my way over to my closet. All this time my wardrobe consisted of sweat pants and hoodies. Now I had to dress for success, a uniform code that permitted me to only wear black or white polo shirt with a pair of khakis. I pulled out my clothes and lay them across the foot of my bed. I began to strip off my clothes. I stood in front of the mirror, bra and panties. That's when I notice the bones in my neck, shoulders, and ribs. Practically just bones.

Food hasn't been on my mind for a while now. Can't really keep down food when I'm constantly dealing with nausea. Dealing with all of this really. Breathing took enough concentration, eating couldn't fit on my agenda.

I finished getting dressed. I opened the door, and the strangling of my chest began. His room never changed. I could smell his musk on the sheets. The same shoes were under his bed as always. I wanted to pull the door close, but I was afraid to go near his room. I spun back toward my room. I inhaled the cold air, burning my throat. Finally my mother closed the door, sending one last wind of him toward me. I held onto my bed for support. Nausea coming for another visit.

"You sure you wanna do this? I mean I can always ask for your home schooling to be extended for-

"No mom, I have to do this. I, I just need to breathe, okay?"

I lifted my head toward his bedroom door. Wanting to knock, making sure he had awaken when I yelled out his name. Wanting to iron his pants so that he would look less awkward in school.

" You coming?"

My mother yelled from the kitchen. Strength regained in my legs, allowing me to stand back up.

" Yea, just getting my coat."

I felt a knot form in both my gut, as well as my throat. The car came to a complete stop. I realized I was nervous about coming to school. A flood of embarrassment came over me. Many students passed by, catching quick glances of my face through the slightly tinted windows. It felt weird being back at this place. Seeing people live their lives, when it seemed that a huge part of mine had just ended. These people were part of the reason.

I slowly pulled the handle of the car, and began to push open the door. I could almost smell the heat coming off the sidewalk. It was such a difference from the blistering cold at night. I stepped onto the curb of the street. My mother's eyes seemed to ask me if I were sure about leaving the bubble of depression at home, my answer was obviously a yes.

I turned toward the school, eyes met me from every direction. No hesitation to gasp, or even begin whispering. I can honestly say that I was surprised by this, because I figured that the month away from school had caused me too become a forgotten soul. But here I was standing in the midst of staring eyes and extended fingers. Feeling kind of famous, but for all the wrong reasons.