Away From Prying Eyes

Chapter 7 (part 2)

21 yr. old - PRAN

He said it.

I knew it was coming and he finally said it.

Pat likes someone.

Am I happy for Pat? Of course I am. What kind of friend would I be if I wasn't. I knew that there was a chance that our connection could be strictly platonic, but in the back recesses of my mind, I still held on to the idea that we could be more than friends. It's been two years since he told me this and for some reason, I still can't shake this one nagging thought: what makes this guy so great? But then I think why does it matter? Why am I getting worked up over Pat constantly mentioning his crush?

Every time he mentions him, there is an unusual burning ache in my chest. His face lights up beautifully, in a way that makes me slightly upset and sad because I know that I'm not the reason behind those smiles. I'm constantly having to force myself to control my facial expressions. Pat is more in tune with my emotions than I am and can easily spot when something is wrong with me. If I show even an ounce of what I have been thinking lately, he will immediately know. And I'm not ready to have this conversation with him.

His bragging about how cute his crush is isn't making me feel any better. He's always telling me how his crush has "the cutest dimples" and "the most mesmerizing eyes". The dimple comment alone had bothered me so much that I was now purposely showing off my dimples to Pat because I was sure that mine looked better. Here I am with dimples AND glasses - this is peak cuteness! I am cute! I can be mesmerizing!

But then I feel guilty for reacting like this. I should be happy right? Pat is happy and that should be enough, so why do I feel this way? Now I'm questioning if I am feeling this way because I'm afraid of losing him? Or over time, did I develop feelings for him?

But surprisingly that's not my biggest concern right now.

I have been picking up on something lately that I can't quite put my finger on. Pat's not mentioning his crush as often anymore. When I ask him about it, he just says 'yes, I still like him' and immediately changes the subject. Which is odd to me. Another weird thing that's happening is Pat's attitude towards me is different. He's no longer arguing with me, now it's more of a light tease. No, it's more than that.

I think Pat is flirting with me. I mean he has to be, right?

At first, I dismissed the idea because why would Pat suddenly start liking me? I mean he has his 'dream guy with the cute dimples' to flirt with and I'm the weird guy from his dreams. But a few dreams ago it became clearer to me. It's been so subtle that I almost missed the signs. The lingering touches, catching him staring at me softly, his sudden need to have to be next to me, him joking about me being husband material...there's more, a whole lot more.

Maybe I'm overthinking this. Pat is a likeable guy. Who wouldn't fall for him.

Am I falling for Pat? No, no, nope. Not at all, I'm not falling for him.

Am I?

Pran leaned forward, placed both hands on the kitchen counter, and took in the layout of the room. It was an interesting mixture of his current apartment and what he assumed was Pat's. Mismatched furniture and décor that they later figured out were some of their favorite items from their own respective places. Pat's white desk where he spends most of his time, Pran's oak bookshelf that houses all his favorite books, next to the bookshelf was Pat's snake plant which surprisingly was planted in the pot that Pran's uncle gave to him. A little bit of him and Pat combined in one room to make their own odd yet perfect sanctuary. A place that Pran eagerly looked forward to meeting Pat in every night. He couldn't help but think that this room accurately described their relationship, two opposite pieces that fit together perfectly. Pran smiled absentmindedly at that thought then immediately stopped himself. Pran knew that he shouldn't keep thinking about him and Pat as one, but it was easier said than done. His mind drifted back to how he struggled for months worrying that he had developed an unhealthy obsession with Pat. It took one long and eye-opening conversation with his uncle and Wai for him to realize that he liked Pat. And not in the 'oh, let's be platonic soul mates' way, but in a 'I've already picked out the names of our kids and future grandkids' way.