Complete Chaos

021

For the last week or so, Steve had noticed Julia's mood changing; she was quieter and wanted to spend less time with him. She was avoiding him in school again.

They lived together, so there was nowhere for her to hide.

He didn't know what was wrong. He didn't know how to help her because she didn't talk to him.

They were home in the living area. Julia was sitting on the sofa, looking at the distance spaced out.

"Talk to me. What's wrong," he lightly pushed her shoulder to get her attention.

"What," she asked confusedly, blinking a couple of times.

"What's wrong? Are you not feeling good? Do you want me to take you to the hospital," Steve asked, a little paranoid getting up from the sofa.

Something could be wrong with his child, and he wouldn't even know.

She held his hand, not letting him go farther away. "I'm good," she reassured him, giving him a sad smile that didn't reach her eyes.

He sat back down and tilted his head to the side. "Julia, what's wrong," he said softly. He knew she was lying. She laughed dryly "it's stupid. I shouldn't feel this way."

"What's bothering you?" He placed his hand on top of hers. "Are you craving something weird again?"

There were times when he saw her eating questionable things. Different types of foods combined because she was craving them. Some she enjoyed and tried again, others not so much.

She shook her head "it's not that," she exhaled "It's me. It's my body. I can't even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I have these big and long vertical stretch marks on my stomach and on my thighs," she threw her hands on her legs, feeling hopeless.

"My clothes don't fit anymore. My arms are fuller. My feet are swollen. I don't even know what they look like anymore. I feel ugly and insecure. I don't even feel like this is my body anymore. There's someone else in here that's taking over," her voice cracked at the end. Tears began to form.

She hugged herself as she said, "And I feel bad for feeling this way because my body is doing all these amazing things for the baby. The baby is growing, and they are also healthy, which makes me so happy every time I go to my check ups, but I'm also noticing the changes in my body."

Tears ran down her face. She felt lighter, letting all her thoughts out. She threw her head back, feeling overwhelmed, "I feel unattractive, too," she said quietly.

She didn't know how she could possibly think that way six months into her pregnancy, but as the weeks went on and she started to notice how much her body was altering, everything started to hit her fast and hard.

"You probably think it's stupid," she looked back at Steve as a tear ran down her cheek.

Steve listened to her intensely to every word. "Julia, I didn't know you felt that way. I'm sorry that you had to go through this on your own. I can't possibly comprehend what you're going through, but it's okay to feel this way, it's not stupid. Your feelings are valid," he gently caressed her hand.

"It's a big adjustment having only you to take care of, and then the next day, there is someone else that you have to look after, but I want you to know that I'm here to listen to you whenever you need me to," he smiled at her softly.

"Maybe you can talk to Rose. I'm sure you're not the only person that's feeling this way during their pregnancy."

Her lips trembled hearing Steve saying all the sweetest things. She couldn't think of doing this on her own or with anyone else. She knew she wouldn't get the same support system the same way that Steve showed to her.

"I don't know if it means anything coming from me, but I think you're attractive. You have always been beautiful."

Julia blushed "you think I'm pretty," she asked softly.

Steve got nervous and looked away from her. "Yes I think you were pretty last year. You're pretty today."

Her tears had stopped. A warm feeling spread on her chest, and her heart began to speed up.

"I think you would even be pretty with four eyes, six arms and a tail," he said, looking back at her.

She burst out laughing "how much thought have you put into this."

He shrugged, "I'm being honest."

"Thank you for your hon-" her sentence was cut short when she gasped, her eyes widened in surprise, scarring Steve.

"What is it," he asked, panicking.

"The baby kicked." She had felt the baby move at night, but it was never like this.

Steve beamed with excitement "really?"

She nodded rapidly as she let out a laugh. She grabbed both of his hands and placed them on her stomach.

Steve had never felt the baby move before.

Feeling your baby inside of you it's an experience like no other Julia didn't have the right words to express it or describe it. It made her feel less insecure. She still didn't fully love her body, but that was okay. She was going to grow to love it. Her body was doing amazing things by creating her world. Because Steve liked her just the way she was.

Nobody is perfect; everyone is dealing with different changes in their body and in their lives. She was going to see her journey in a more positive light.

"I don't feel anything," Steve said quietly, not wanting to scare the baby.

"Talk to the baby. They moved when we were talking."

Still with his hands pressed on her stomach Steve asked, "what should I say."

Julia looked at Steve as he was leaning in closer to her, "Whatever you want."

He cleared his throat, "Uh, hello, I'm your dad, Steve," he said, looking at the stomach.

Julia observed him as he continued, "you are the luckiest little nugget. Did you know that you won the lottery with the mother you have. Your mom Julia, she's the best," he glanced at her, smiling as their eyes met; she was already looking at him. He then looked back at her stomach.

"She's thoughtful, brave, caring, beautiful, and she makes the best desserts ever. I think you can agree on the last one." Once Steve finished his last sentence the baby kicked.

The pair gasped in surprise "what did I say. You love them, right." Her stomach moved slightly.

The pair looked at each grinning like fools. "The baby can understand us," Steve said, amazed.

"Say something else."

Steve took one of his hands away from her stomach and placed hers "who do you love more."

Julia rolled her eyes playfully. It took a few seconds longer, but they felt movement in the middle between their hands.

"Wait, was that on your side or mine," Steve asked.

"It was totally on my side."

Steve looked at her suspiciously "let's do it again," he insisted.