Who knew that purple pervert had decent taste in friends?

[Pikachu:] You hear Mineta is bringing a porn star to the gala?
[Me:] Why the fuck should I care?
[Pikachu:] PORN STAR
[Me:] Doesn't that pervert bring one to everything?
[Pikachu:] Sorry
[Pikachu:] MALE PORN STAR
[Me:] Since when did he do dick?
[Pikachu:] He doesn't
[Me:] ...
[Me:] Why the fuck?
[Pikachu:] Said he was a friend?
[Me:] No
[Me:] Why the fuck are you telling me?
[Pikachu:] Dude
[Pikachu:] When is the last time you got laid?
[Me:] FUCK OFF PIKACHU!!
[Pikachu:] See. That anger is a direct result of your lack of sexy times
[Me:] I'm going to murder you.
[Pikachu:] You'd never <3
[Me:] In your sleep.
[Pikachu:] Just come check out the hot guy!
[Me:] Why the fuck would I want to fuck someone who calls themselves friends with that grape fucker?
[Pikachu:] He's a PORN STAR!!!
[Me:] FUCK OFF PIKACHU!!!
[Pikachu:] ...
[Pikachu:] ...
[Pikachu:] But you are coming to the gala? Right?
[Pikachu:] Kiri will be sad if you don't
[Me:] Said I would, didn't I?
[Pikachu:] yay! See you Saturday!

Katsuki growled in irritation and let his phone drop down next to him on the sofa. It had been a long day. He was tired, hungry, and not looking forward to the paperwork awaiting him tomorrow. Of course the lightning rod had to go and remind him about that stupid gala and the fact he hadn't had a decent fuck in months.

He supposed he shouldn't be all that surprised that the grape fucker had made friends with porn stars. In the eight years since their graduation from U.A., the little runt had built a reputation for his work supporting sex workers. He did a lot of work breaking up sex trafficking rings and stopping distribution of materials involving minors. Pervert though he was, he respected people in the industry and had done a lot of good as something of their representative.

Seeing the purple twerp accompanied by hot babes at these kinds of events was pretty much expected. But a hot guy? That was definitely not the standard.

Katsuki's stomach growled, reminding him that he was wasting time on gossip of all things. He hoisted himself off the couch to heat up some leftovers he could scarf down before he crashed for the night.

When he finally hit the mattress, he couldn't help the passing thought that maybe Kaminari was right. He was way overdue for one of his periodic hook-ups. He didn't really do the relationship thing, didn't have the time, but a couple times a year he let himself venture out to a club or bar and let himself be taken to their apartment for a few hours of exercise. A man had needs after all. When was the last time he'd done that? Over a year ago? Hell, he couldn't remember the last time he'd even jerked off.

Sex just wasn't his highest priority. His libido had never spiked the way his friends' had and sure, sex was fun or whatever, but it wasn't worth all the bullshit of dating and drama and all the other fuckery that surrounded it.

But he had been pretty tightly wound lately. A good hook-up was usually enough to chill him out for a while, make him less... surly.

His final thought before drifting off was that he'd need to actually put some effort into his appearance on Saturday.

~~~~ 

Bakugou arrived at the gala to the usual paparazzi nonsense and glared at the cameras. Thank fuck they limited the press inside these events. He hated the suit and tie look—though he always forewent the tie and wore a gold collar brooch with twin grenades. It had become something of a signature piece at this point.

He'd gotten a fresh haircut, waxed where it counted, bought a new black suit and burnt orange button up, and used just a touch of eyeliner to help his eyes pop. He knew he looked good—hopefully it would overpower his sour attitude enough to pull someone for the evening.