PAST ((Original Work))

Past

"Hello?", he answered the phone call. His voice had roughened over the years, deeper, wearier with age, but it carried the same gentle undertone that I sometimes had the fortune of hearing. Even after all these years, my throat closed up; unable to get the words out. My eyes clouded over with reminiscing. Just how much I missed this sound, I will never be able to get it out in words. No phrase will ever do my longing even a fraction of justice. No such words have been spoken, and none ever will be.

"Happy birthday, dad", my eyes brimmed with unshed tears. Still, I kept my voice strong, I needed to. I knew then just as well as I do now, that no matter the number of years that pass, I could never not cry at the sound of his voice, he had a hold on my heart like that. "How are you?"

The line went quiet, too quiet. I had to check to affirm the fact that the call had not been hung up. It had not.

"Kiddo?", a choked voice sounded in my ears a moment later. It was at that moment I let the tears spill, not daring to make a sound. The word I loved hearing as a child, when I was still untainted from the hues of the world, the shades everyone eventually got painted in. Now, this word became a source of sadness; like most things I used to love. "I am fine, how are you"?

I choked back a sob but a stray gasp left me all the same. My chest tightened, my heart felt as though someone had placed it under a hydraulic press. The numbness I felt no matter my state of mind, worsened. It's funny how the voice which brought me back from my demons became the reason I surrendered to them.

"I'm good too, just wanted to hear your voice", there was no point in denying it. After all, there was no suitable excuse, I could not just say "Oh yeah, sorry I accidentally butt-dialed your number". And let's say for a moment, even if I were to do that, how would I explain disappearing from his world for ten years without a word or a goodbye. Or the fact that he's not even close to recent on my call log.

I hung up. I would talk to him, make things right. It would just have to wait a little longer.

-fin-