Dark Magic

07. Chapter Five

DYLAN'S POV

'Passion is derived from a latin word meaning to suffer, if you genuinely love something you suffer for it.'

I didn't know what to do when I turned to talk to Sophia, only to see her fast asleep, body propped up against the window.
One of her legs was up, leaning against the door, the other stretched out under the glove box. Her mouth was gaped, little breaths leaving her parted lips.
She looked so beautiful.
I sighed, tightening my grip around the wheel and deciding to head home.
I'd totally opened up to her tonight, and I didn't know how to feel. I didn't tell her everything, but I told her enough, and if I'd told that to anybody but Kyle, it'd send them running.
Sophia cared. She actually said something that truly made everything feel okay. And when she grabbed my hand, I felt like I couldn't breathe. My heart just jolted and I felt butterflies in my stomach, just at her touch.
And watching her out the window. She looked like she was having the time of her life.
It felt amazing knowing that I was the one who was with her when she heard her first piece of proper music.
I pressed my lips together as the song changed, and I knew immediately that it was something Sophia would like. I didn't dare budge her though.
Not because I didn't know how she behaved when somebody woke her, but because she looked so peaceful.
I thought she had a rough life at home.
Not because her mum hates her or anything, but because so much pressure is put on her shoulders to be the perfect daughter. She doesn't want to live the way she does, she sort of admitted that. I couldn't imagine ever growing up without music blasting in my ears and lying down on the couch in the middle of the day to watch television.
I don't think she was that kind of kid who fell asleep on the couch and woke up in her bed the next morning.
But then again, neither was I.
It sort of made me feel sick.
Growing up without truly experiencing the world and having a fun childhood, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised I didn't have a great childhood either.
Sophia and I grew up without fathers.
I don't know how old Sophia was when she lost her dad.
I wish mine was dead though. At least then it would save me from having to be stuck with the thought that my dad didn't want me and didn't care about me.
I jumped as she released a heavy breath, kicking her leg almost uncontrollably, off of the seat and into the glove box. I looked to her, mouth gaping. She wasn't awake.
I ended up having to pull over.
She began to shake, her breathing growing heavier and heavier.
I climbed out of the car, running around the front and to her side, pulling open the door and leaning over, undoing her seat belt. She fell into me, still violently shaking.
"Sophia!" I yelled out, pulling her out of the car as gently as I could and sitting down on the side of the road, holding her in my arms.
"Hey, wake up!" I shouted, and she did. Her eyes opened and she released a breath, looking around confused. I let out a sigh of relief, pushing her hair back and holding her against my chest.
"What the fuck just happened? Are you okay?" I asked. She reached up, grabbing at my hand and resting her cheek against my upper arm.
"I'm sorry," She whispered breathily,
"It was a nightmare." I sat up slightly, putting a leg around her.
"What about?" I replied gently.
"I got them after my father died...I sort of just see him and I freak out..." She paused.
"I saw him after he died and I panicked...I just-I remember being at hospital and seeing him on the bed and I just...screamed and screamed. I cried and then I threw up...It was sort of gross. I couldn't handle it. It just freaked me out so much. I was pretty young and it was when I didn't understand death. Why people died. I didn't understand why my father had to die and I hated everything. I hated my mother and my brother and my grandparents and I hated myself," She pulled away from me, turning around to face me, putting her legs up by my sides, on top of my own. Her eyes were glassy and red, like she was about to cry, but she remained so confident.
"I remember that I hit the doctor, telling him that he could have done something but he did nothing. And whoever tried to stop me, I hit them too. I guess it's just the anger. I just get angry so easily and something so small can trigger it. I lose all of my self-control and I just-" She stopped talking, choking up and looking down. I wrapped my arms around her, cradling her head as she began to sob into my t-shirt.
I didn't say anything. I didn't think I had to.
All I had to was hold her whilst she cried and I think she was okay with that.
After a while, she pulled back and wiped under her eyes, laughing.
"Sorry, I have no idea where that came from." She muttered. I smiled, pushing her hair from her eyes.
"Don't apologise," I simply said. She pressed her lips together and nodded.
"It's not like I'm going to judge you. I opened up to you and you opened up to me. And I like that. I really like that."
"You didn't cry though."
"Hey, I might have wanted to. Besides, why do you care if you cried?"
"Because I hate letting people see me cry." She said quietly, looking down at my shirt and pursing her lips.
"I think you still look beautiful when you cry, so I don't mind." I replied, shrugging my shoulders. She looked up at me, turning her head to the side.
"I'm not beautiful." She mumbled, glancing at me eye-to-eye.
"Take it from someone who is looking at you." I felt like a complete idiot for actually being so sappy with her.
I'd never actually really been that sweet to somebody until now and it weirded me out, so to bypass that, I cleared my throat.
"Wanna' drive back home?" I asked. She looked at me strangely for a second or two, before shrugging and nodding, standing up. I followed after her, awkwardly rushing around the car and climbing back in, slamming the door behind me. She quietly climbed in, almost silently closing the door after her.
She didn't say a word.
I couldn't tell if I'd offended her by saying that to her out of the blue, but I didn't feel like asking.
Maybe I was being insensitive.
The same song from a few hours ago began to play, that Need You Now one, and she didn't care. She reached over, pressing down on the volume button to switch off the radio. I glanced at her,
"I thought you liked that song." I murmured.
"I'm not supposed to listen to music." She replied numbly, looking out the window and folding her arms. My tongue glided across my bottom lip as I focussed on the dim-lit road, flexing my fingers over the steering wheel as we rushed along the highway.
"You okay?" I asked.
"Fine."
Her reply was quick, giving off the whole, 'I'll say I'm fine but I'm actually not' vibe. Plenty of girls did it, maybe some guys too, but every time someone does it, I bet they wait for a reaction. Well - not everybody, but a lot of people I've met say,
'I'm fine.' And when I don't react, they get all, 'wow, do you not care about me? What'd I do to you? I'm obviously not fine',
But I didn't think Sophia-Grace was someone like that.
But because I genuinely respected Sophia and cared about her, I did react.
"You don't sound fine." I mumbled. She looked at me and forced a smile,
"Really?" She said with a fake grin, putting up her thumb.
"Did I offend you?"
"No," she said, looking away and folding her arms once again.
"I just think you didn't absorb any of my advice. You act really sweet and then it just hits you that what you're doing is 'sensitive' and 'so homo', and then you turn into a massive prick! When somebody is pouring their freaking heart out to you, you don't just get up and walk away!" She shouted, throwing her arms in the air several times. I furrowed my brows, tensing up.
"You know what, Sophia!?" I yelled in return,
"When you've been the way you have for more than a fucking year, you kind of get stuck to it, alright!? Just because you gave me a little piece of advice doesn't mean I'm going to just fucking change and if you can't deal with that, you might as well just fucking walk home!"
"Walk home!? You're such a spoilt brat!" I took in a deep breath, sharply turning the car to a stop, facing my body to her and throwing my arms in the air.
"Spoilt!? You're going to call me spoilt!? Here's a newsflash for you - not everybody's lives are perfect! Whilst you were getting pushbikes and candy at Christmas, I was getting big, fat bruises around my eyes from somebody who was supposed to fucking love me! At least your father died loving you! Mine's not even dead! He doesn't keep in contact with his own fucking son! My mum has to work three fucking shifts at a fucking old peoples home just to be able to pay for our house, and we're still so close to losing it! So whilst you're whinging about how your mum won't let you listen to music and experience the fucking world, there are kids who are struggling to even live under a roof! Kids who are unloved! So fuck you, Sophia-Grace! Fuck you!" I screamed, before letting out an exhausted breath and facing the wheel. She didn't say a word; she just slowly turned to face the road, staring blankly ahead.
We sat like that for about five minutes, without a sound except for our little breaths. Finally, she spoke.
"I'm sorry," She whispered.
"I didn't know...it's just- I've never had a person in my life like you. You're just so different to anyone else and I'm so used to knowing everything about that person that I forget I don't truly know anyone, and just...sorry. I'm sorry, alright?"
"Okay..." I whispered, looking down at my lap as I felt tears sting at my eyes. I couldn't control it either. I covered my mouth as tears began to escape my eyes, making me feel weak and pathetic. Sophia undid her seat belt, reaching over the seat and putting her arms around me, resting her head on my shoulder. I put my hands back on the wheel, choking for air.
"Why doesn't he want me?" I choked out, biting into my bottom lip.
"Why doesn't he fucking love me?"
She just held onto me. We stayed like that for ages.
I liked having her there beside me. We didn't have to talk, we just needed each other and that was a great thing to have.
She was my friend and I was hers.
And the whole time we cuddled into one another, I just couldn't stop myself from thinking,
'Well...now we're even.'