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In this shop, I offer you helpful advice and outlook on your book, all while commenting and voting! I try my best to read everything in your story, and provide as helpful outlooks on...
A lighthearted and fun read to pass your time with laughs and giggles! A supernatural anime condensed into the highest form of entertainment: fiction books.
Opening Comments:
Okay hello, I'm writing this before I have started reading the book and I just want to say I am excited. I am pumped. But first of all, I already want to apologize in advance because I know this critique is going to take forever to publish.
I also want to say that ever since I accepted your form, I was already so excited to read your book I almost wanted to rush through the critique I was working on. This is because I am a fan of anime, specifically, supernatural anime. And the moment I set eyes on your cover and read your blurb, I just knew I'm going to enjoy this one to the fullest. I guess you could say you hit your target audience with me.
But more than that, I'm also interested in how you're going to write a book in a way that it keeps the essence of an anime, slice of life series. I aspire to create a book as such, but has never really gotten to doing it. Alas, maybe this is a calling.
However, I know I must be adding a lot of pressure and high expectations on your book right now, so I'm going to keep as much of an open mind as I can. Enjoy the critique!
First Impressions:
Cover - It's beautiful. It may not look that striking or any impressive color blending and such, but the simplicity and solidness of its colors really make it look neat and fitting of its genre.
Title - Again, so fitting for the genre! It also somehow gives me an anime-like feel, probably because of the term 'youkai'. And I like that you didn't change that word into whatever it is in English, since it gives a sense of authenticity and anime-like feel.
Description - Yet again, fitting for the genre. It gives a fun, exciting aura that I usually feel when I want to start a new anime. The description does well in giving visual images to the reader and makes us excited for the book.
However, there are just things I want to address. First, let me just add here the whole blurb so I can have something to refer to.
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Here, I highlighted "At dito papasok sa kwento." The transition from the beginning paragraph to this new topic could be done better. Now it isn't that bad, but again, it could be better because it sounds like you (as the narrator) is actively inside the story, it creates a little inconsistency with the narrative point of view.
What we can do here is to simply omit what I have highlighted and enter the subject of Mayumi immediately after the beginning paragraph.
"Si Mayumi ay isang eighteen-year-old senior high school student (I just realized the whole onslaught of 'student student third year blabla' adjectives could be omitted too). Hindi na bago sa kaniya ang..."
