I'll Protect You- MatchaBlossom

Chapter 7- Overthinking

I stay awake even though Cherry falls asleep. I'm still scared. I don't want to deal with nightmares, not when I feel so happy right now. I just stare at Cherry. His eyes are closely softly, and he looks at peace. I watch him rise up and down with each time one of us takes a breath. It makes me smile. I throw my head back gently, and stare at the ceiling.

My thoughts wander. I question how I got so lucky to have such an amazing person sleeping on my chest. What did I do to deserve him? Nothing really. I've only ever been trouble for him. I was never there for him when he needed me. I was always too scared to admit my feelings, and it was almost too late when I did. He almost died. It took that long to realize it. I didn't deserve this beauty of a person laying on top of me and sleeping peacefully. I didn't deserve to kiss him or hold him or cook special meals for him or take care of him or be called his boyfriend.

I snap out of my thoughts and look back down at my chest when I feel something wet flowing down my stomach and Cherry breathing heavy. Cherry's eyes are squeezed together tightly. That's when I realize he's crying. I'm not sure if he's awake or not though.

"Kauro?" I whisper.

He continues to cry softly, but moves his head a little so I can tell he's awake.

I wrap my arms around his small frame. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Instead of answering, he slides himself farther up my chest, buries his face in my shoulder, and wraps his arms around the back of my neck.

I put one hand on his head, and the other on his back as I rub small circles in it. "Shh, it's ok," I whisper to try and calm him down.

After a few minutes, his breathing slows down a bit and he seems slightly calmer.

"I'm sorry for waking you," he mumbles into my shoulder.

"It's ok, I wasn't actually asleep," I reply honestly. "Are you ok?"

"Mhm."

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

He shakes his head no.

"Lift your head up for a second," I say.

He does, and stares into my eyes deeply. I wipe the tears away from his face with my finger. Then I grab his head with both of my hands gently, and bring my lips to his. I pull away after a few seconds, and lay back down. Cherry lays back on top of me. I wrap my arms around him tightly.

"Don't worry. I've got you," I whisper.

Within a few minutes, he falls back asleep. I just stare at him the rest of night, having no desire to sleep.

Eventually, light begins streaming in through my window, indicating it's morning. Cherry stays asleep for about another half hour. I watch as his eyes squint for a second, then he opens them. I smooth down his hair as he just lays there.

"Goodmorning," I say quietly.

"Morning," he says back groggily.

"How'd you sleep?" I ask, then immediately regret it.

"Not good. I mean, you know what happened."

"Yeah..."

He lifts his head up, and then sits up his whole body. I sit up too. He doesn't move off of me.

"Did you sleep at all?"

"Yeah," I lie.

"How long?"

"Few hours."

"You're lying."

"Why would I lie?"

"Because you don't want to worry me, and you think I can't see right through you, but I can."

"I'm not lying."

Cherry grabs my face with his hand, and gives me a death glare. "Tell me the truth."

"I am."

"No you're not. I originally woke up from my nightmare at 2 in the morning and you were still awake, then I woke up again at 5, you just didn't notice, and you were still awake, it's now 6:30, so I know you're lying to me. You do it almost every night."

I realized I couldn't fight it, so I opted to change the subject. "I have to get ready for work," I said.

I slid out from under Cherry, and got up, heading to the bathroom to take a shower.

Of course, in the shower is when your thoughts run most wild. I couldn't stop thinking about our argument. I didn't want to lie to him, but I didn't want to admit the truth either. Admitting that I didn't and why I didn't sleep was calling myself a weak coward who is too afraid to even go to sleep. That's something I won't be able to live with if I told him. I'm supposed to be his protector. I promised. I have to be strong for him. I can't ever admit I'm weak. That would ruin my whole existence and my purpose, which is to make sure he's safe and happy. Admitting that I was scared to sleep was giving up everything. Cherry would see me as weak from now on, and he'd think that I can't protect him and I'm not good enough for him and then he'll leave. I just know it.

After realizing I'd been in the shower for way too long, I quickly wash my hair and body, then step out. I throw a towel around my waist, and step back into my bedroom. Cherry is laying sideways on my bed with his back to me.

I walk over to my dresser, pull out my work uniform, and put it on. Other than the movement of me, there's no other sounds. Cherry is silent, and so am I. Once I'm ready, I hover in the doorway of the bedroom, not exactly sure what to say.

"I'm going to work. I'll be back for dinner. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone," I announce.

When I don't hear a response from Cherry, I sigh and walk out of the room, then out the door.

I drive to work in silence, not even bothering to turn on the radio. Which I realize is a bad idea. The silence makes my thoughts wander, on top of the fact I get stuck in traffic.

Cherry probably hates me now. I didn't even kiss him goodbye, and he didn't respond when I told him I was going to work. I don't know what to do. Admitting I'm not sleeping is a death sentence to my pride and purpose on life. But having Cherry mad at me like this doesn't seem much better. I just wish there was a way to not fight, but also not tell him that I don't sleep.

At work, I'm just as distracted. I bring orders to the wrong tables, I don't cook the food right, and I'm not as quick as usual.

Eventually, everyone leaves. I clean up everything even though we're not closed yet.