On a Loop

12| "SO NAIVE TO BELIEVE YOU ROOTING FOR US" - LUCKY DAYE

After seeing Gabe twice over the weekend, it was harder for Lauren to get up and face the doom and gloom of seeing Trent on Monday morning. She woke up to the annoying trill of her phone's alarm and snoozed it twice, but wouldn't dare let it ring for a third. She slowly opened her sleep-filled eyes, and immediately wanted to shut them again. She thought of calling in sick. Calling in sick for the rest of her life.

Get it over with, bitch. Rip off the bandaid.

Lauren knew deep down she'd have to face Trent sometime, and it might as well be today. Plus, maybe he'd do them both a favour, and perhaps, call in sick? Move cubicles? Or set the building on fire?

She groaned as she rolled out of bed and headed to the bathroom to shower and get ready for her day. She returned to her room and dressed for 'her ex'- or success. She was undecided. Whichever one brought her the best vibes at that very second, motivated her to the next.

It felt weird thinking of Trent as an ex. He really wasn't. He left Lauren's life as quickly as he came into it. They didn't even get to experience traditional relationship milestones like a fancy date, the first night spent at his place, or wearing his clothes... all the things she had done with Gabe within the first week of knowing him.

Oops.

Lauren tied her hair up into a ponytail, leaving it out in an afro-puff to ensure her gold stud earrings were on display. She wore a loose, cream-coloured cropped cashmere sweater with light blue, high-waisted boot cut mom jeans, tan suede booties, topped with a tan leather jacket hanging in the foyer's closet. She looked so good that her anxiety subdued when she looked in the mirror on her way out. Her hair sat atop her head like a crown and she felt powerful. Like the epitome of Black Girl Magic.

It was a sunny, Spring-ish day but the shining rays were deceiving. As soon as Lauren got outside, the crisp February air told her she should put on a scarf, but she ignored it and zipped her jacket all the way up instead.

While she walked to the High Park TTC station, her thoughts were scrambled and her heart raced. The magic had quickly worn off. She stuffed her hands clammy from nerves into her coat's stylish, yet tiny, pockets to keep them from freezing in the brisk breeze.

What would she do when she saw Trent? What should she say? How could she apologize for hurting him while being unapologetic for staying true to herself?

Once Lauren reached the East subway platform, her Trent anxiety had dissipated but was replaced with the annoyance of the morning rush. She was distracted by the wave of people heading downtown and had to focus on pushing through crowds, finding a place to stand or stealing an empty seat, clutching her shoulder bag and people watching — you know, city girl stuff.

Her mind was occupied the entire trip to work until she got off the subway at the Bay Street station. Lauren's legs felt weaker, her shoulders heavier and her stomach turned like she had swallowed a tiny tornado with each step taken towards her job.

Lauren reached P.D. Enterprise and made her way through the foyer, nodding at Cherise along the way. She forced a small smile her way, and got into the next available tightly packed elevator. As it ascended to the thirty fifth floor, Lauren felt like she was sweating out her edges. She turned to a mirrored wall and took a hard look at her reflection. She silently reminded herself that:

You're not dying, and you're not gonna die.
Gabriel is a good ass catch.
You are no weak ass bitch.
Everything will be fine.
YOU ARE NO WEAK ASS BITCH!

He could yell at her - which was not likely at work; he could tell everyone she was a hoe - which would suck; or he could ignore her. Regardless of the route he took, she'd live.