Rethinking The English (fanfic)

The English - a happier story arc

Okay so remember the premise of the story? Lady Cornelia Locke is mourning the death of her son, well let's park that here for a moment.

In my interpretation she has not been raped by the dastardly Melmont - sorry I don't like rape scenes and violence against women in general in my stories. I know it was and is a reality for many people but in dramatic terms it becomes a cliche and a lazy one at that.

For my story to work the person Cornelia is mourning is her elder brother. He has gone off to America to make his fortune with Melmont but is double crossed and murdered while he is out there. This destroys Cornelia's family to such an extent that her mother then her father die in quick succession. This gives her the independence and financial freedom to set off to America to take revenge on the man responsible.

I know, it's a massive change to the basic plot and messes with all kinds of other things as we go along, but for me the syphilis thing was always a bit heavy handed. Like I said I don't like stories where women 'suffer', it reminds me of old fashioned romances where the heroine has TB or some such disease. Doomed love is a trope I know, but for fucks safe isn't real life miserable enough?

Okay so moving on. Cornelia not having syphilis does alter the dynamic of why she is so hell bent on getting to Melmont, but in my opinion not much. It has more of an impact on the little touches, for example why she wears gloves all the time, why she refuses to try and breast feed the newborn baby, and of course why she can't pursue a physical romance with Eli. For me the glove thing is a petty detail, as is the baby too, most women including me wouldn't like the idea of breast feeding someone else's baby.  Both points could easily be covered by female modesty, particularly at that time in history. The kiss however, that's trickier to iron out.

I suppose we have the culture clash thing to deal with. Also Cornelia would likely still be a virgin as an unmarried woman. However, the best way of dealing with the non kiss is to make it a proper kiss and possible sex scene. I'm not sure how hot you like your romances to be, but at this point why shouldn't they have a bit of fun, they've almost died numerous times, been surrounded by death and trauma on all sides, and in the middle of the high plains who really is there to judge them?

The next scene it messes up is the visit to the Doctor. I think already this is a tenuous part of the story, I mean how likely were they in the thousands of miles they were travelling, to meet up with a doctor just when they needed one? To keep this part however, we could imagine Cornelia getting injured in the long distance gun fight. Nothing too serious, just enough to make her faint and need some kind of medical intervention. This neatly keeps the door open to pushing the Indian boy off onto someone else allowing them to finish their journey to Melmont alone (together).

When it comes to the final confrontation, Cornelia can still have her moment with her brother's killer, and still baulk at pulling the trigger. Remember he's not only responsible for her brother's death but also her parents, who heartbroken and possibly scandalised gave up on life when their eldest son was killed.

Right okay so now this is the real meat of the story. Eli still needs to get away from any possible ramifications for killing a man as powerful as Melmont. So I understand the need for all those involved to take off in different directions to literally disguise his tracks. However, there's nothing to say that after a few days or weeks Cornelia doesn't find her way back to him, she knows after all that he is headed for Nebraska to make a land claim. I envision a reunion whilst he is having some trouble standing up for his rights to get his land. I see Cornelia helping him out in this, not only because he can't/won't read, but also because as a nicely dressed English woman she could likely help him convince the powers that be to give him what he is legally entitled to. Let's not forget she is very wealthy, so she could bribe officials and get Eli his place.

So is it too neat? I think it is. I hear you say, isn't that what you want, a happy ending? Well yes, but like I said before we can't whitewash a genocide. I see Eli getting his parcel of land, but then realise that he and Cornelia can't just set up home together and play happy families. So in my revised ending they get the land and then ride back over the horizon to go on some other grand adventure. Because, I think, their happiest times, and Eli's most free, were when they were riding the range so to speak.

Okay again let me know what you think. I was thinking about re writing some of the scenes my changes impacted the most, but I'm not sure if anyone wants to read that stuff, certainly I'm not a great writer of sexual stuff, but I'd give it a go.