I used to be numb.
I often felt dumb,
That I could never find
Anything to start a feeling inside me.
It became normal to me,
Since the change came
I need to learn to share
What cannot be shared normally..
He is always there,
He sometimes takes the lead
And I prefer it that way,
Because I dont feel the need
To show who I am
Because nobody will care.
So why even try?
I know I cannot cry.
But I really want to.
The veil of despair often engulfs me.
I feel like there's no way for me to get away
It chokes me and pulls me astray.
But even so, we talk sometimes
But it is so complicated in my eyes.
He often leaves me notes that I'm not bothered to read.
I really want to
But I cant show.
My emotions start to flow.
I can't even be myself.
I can't even feel.
I don't like being in control of myself.
I'd rather stay hidden.
There's one thing though
That makes me forget it.
Him. He's always by me.
Though I dont think he cares.
He doesnt know I feel
The way I do for him.
His precious little smile that penetrates my heart
And makes me feel something that I forgot.
Ever since I can remember, I never felt.
But here he is, making me smile, cry and fret.
I don't understand it.
What has he done?
He just stands there, laughs and its done.
I turn into something I don't recognize.
My chest starts to hurt and I close my eyes.
He makes me feel and I feel so much.
I know it's wrong, but I crave his touch.
I wish he would hold my hand
And look into my eyes.
I wish he'd hold me tight
And never tell me lies.
But I'm acting selfish
I dont care at all.
I want him for myself.
But he is so long gone.
I cannot let him in.
My feelings must be hid
Because even though I hate it
He only loves him.
And all the joy goes away
And I feel yet again.
But this time it's not so good,
Because my eyes start to leak.
Silver streams on my cheek
And Its so strange.
Am i deranged?
I might be.
Yet again I feel,
Scared of what might be
I feel I can't control myself
When I'm near him.
I just wish I could tell him and get it over with
But the consequences will crush me
And end everything.
I might do something wreckless
And hurt them even more,
So I just sit in silence
And ignore that it hurts.
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Authors Note: Oh my God I made this during a break in school and it was actually kinda good so I decided to post it lmao. Anyway, hope ya like it!
