Bad things happen to good people

Late

"2 am," I whisper under my breath, while looking up from my homework. "Already?"

It felt like I had been working on this homework for only 10 minutes. That might be because I had been on the same math problem for an hour, not getting anywhere.

"Fuck homework. I'm going to bed." I realized as I said this that I probably said it a little too loud. My Mom was sleeping in the next room over. She had been asleep for hours, oblivious to the fact that I was still awake.

I changed into my pajamas. The same ones I'd been wearing for weeks. I hadn't washed them. Maybe it was because I was too lazy or because I didn't have time. Maybe both?

I grabbed my phone and climbed into bed. Of course, I couldn't go to sleep without mindlessly scrolling through Pinterest, Tiktok, or some other form of videos short enough to keep my attention span and simultaneously make me forget about everything happening around me.

But, instead of going to Youtube, I went to photos.
Photos? I thought. Why photos? Why not Tiktok? Why not Youtube, or Instagram, or Snapchat?

Scrolling through these photos and videos was just as mindless. Through my tired eyes and my mush brain, I wasn't really paying attention, until I came across a video of me and... Her.

She was on the diving board, and I was behind the camera. She leaped into the pool water, sparkling, and did a perfect dive. Then I sat the phone down, still rolling, and climbed up to try myself. I jumped and did more of a belly flop than a dive.

Then the video stopped, just as quickly as it had started. I didn't keep scrolling. I just stayed there, on the first frame of the video, with Her smiling at me back when we were young and happy.

I slowly put my phone down and plugged it in.

I took a deep breath.

Then, I cried.

I cried a million tears, just like I had that night.

The night that I had found my Best Friend after She had committed suicide.

I cried because I missed Her, because I wanted Her to be here with me.

Because I could've done something to help.

Why Her? I thought, streams of salty tears still spilling out of my eyes. Why?