GRIEF ; PJM

16

There she was.. Finally.. In front of the three tombs of her mother and grandparents.
She placed the bouquets on the graves and knelt down facing the tombs. Y/n took a deep breath before putting on a smile. She could feel tears making its place in her eyes but she held and started speaking,
"I know you might worry for me.. But I'm okay. I'm doing fine. Yoongi is doing fine too, I think he'll visit you all soon. Eomma.. I'm not clumsy anymore. I became more and more organised. Granny.. I'm taking care of my self too. Grandpa.. Well I.. I'm well aware of my responsibilities. It doesn't feel pressuring anymore. I got a hold on everything now, haha. *silence* I'm.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry grandpa, I couldn't keep my promise. " She looked down letting her tears out silently.

" I miss you eomma.. I miss your rants.. Your stubbornness.. Your love.. Your cooking.. Everything.. G-granny.. Its been so long.. I miss e-eating your pickles, your scolding for messing stuffs and hurting myself.. I.." Her voice cracked, muddled sobs escaped her mouth as she pressed her palms on her face crying hard.

" How long? How long can I stay like this old man? It hurts.. It'll always hurt no matter how much I'm used to the pain... " Her voice became lower and shaky while tears continued to flow down. Who thought the weather will turn down too? The sun suddenly got hidden by dark clouds. The dark clouds hugged the blue sky, more like hiding it. In no time, rain started to put down as if the clouds were crying out their emotions too. Raindrops falling on the grassing creating a soothing sound. But did help her? Her tears mixed with the heavy raindrops as he looked painfully at the tombs. She sat still in the same position. Wet clothes sticking to the skin, water droplets running down her body as she was was getting drenched in the rain.
It's been over an hour so. Neither the rain nor she changed her position. She wasn't crying anymore,though she wanted to. It was like the tears were dried out in a harsh manner. She felt the same heavy feeling on her chest... Like a heavy rock or something heavier, placed on her chest for years.

They say crying out your emotions will make you feel better. But what if you can't cry? Tears won't come out? You want to cry but you can't? Resulting the heaviness just to get heavier. Every single breath you take you feel the tightness on your chest.

It's was raining pretty lightly now. She sighed standing up. She looked at her watch, 10.15 am. She felt her phone vibrate. She took it out, even if the phone gets wet it'll still work cause it was made for the best..
It was a text for Hyo joo.

Joo: Boss, it has been raining heavily for hours. Are you alright?

Red Pythone : Yes I am.

She put it back in her soaking wet pant. She loved the rain even if it felt cold for being under it for hours.
"I'll get going then. Please, keep blessing me."
She bowed, reluctantly turning around she started moving her feets away only to halt in her steps remembering a specific scene from the past.. Y/n felt her eyes getting watery again,so does the rain began pouring heavily. Her tears fell only for her to run towards the tombs and sit down putting her palms on the grass hanging her head low, pouring the tears out in SILENCE.. which is something she always loved and appreciated. She felt light warmth even in the rain and cold breeze. Five of them, y/n, yoongi, their mother and grandparents hugging each other flashed through her mind. Those memories kept flashing in front of her eyes. When suddenly,

"Its Been hours you're under the rain. They won't be happy to see you here like this. The rest of the day will be gloomy too. Go back home and rest. They're always with you, with love and everything."

Y/n didn't look up hearing an elderly woman's voice. She sat still with her head down, hairs falling over.
" They're in a better place. They might be feeling sad now too. Their souls are rested in peace, they just want you to be happy. Don't go hard on yourself."

Y/n felt that woman caressing her head. She felt the affection in her touch. After a few seconds, y/n's brain processed causing her look up immediately with wide eyes.
There the lady was..., walking away with her umbrella but she turned around feeling her stare at her back in tears..

"Eomma..." the word only came out as a whisper as the tears made its way down the cheek. Y/n saw her smiling while she looked ethereal. Y/n couldn't touch her even If she wanted to, not because of the distance but cause of the reality as she started fade slowly, that smile not leaving her face as she looked at her teary daughter. Y/n heard her voice inside his head,
"We love you y/nahh. Don't make yourself suffer more. Your tears hurts us. We'll always be with you.." And she completely faded with those last words.
"Go home. Our love and blessings are always with you.."

She stood up wiping her cheeks and brushing the wet hair backwards from her forehead. She smiled and left with her bike. The rain stopped. It was 11.05 am. It'll take 15 minutes to reach her mansion if she rides the bike in her usual speed. She didn't wear the helmet and rode the bike in 80 kmh speed,feeling the breeze hitting her wet body just to make her feel cold.
She was more than 2 hours under the rain...