Entering high-school may seem to be something really enjoyable. I'm a bit scared, a little. But I'm also impatient. Maybe will I make some friends?
I always thought I wouldn't be able to have any friends in my class. All that because of the fact that I was so young compared to everyone else. In fact, I passed a class, so when everyone have 14 or 15 years old, I'm 13.
I've always felt that this difference put a big problem to make friends. When I was in middle school, all of my friends where people in lower classes.
But curiously, I felt confident this time. So this morning, I woke up, ate breakfast, took my bag, put on my shoes, and went hastily to high-school with my heart going like crazy.
Once I arrived, I just stood up before the wall, listening to music with my airpods. But there, I saw some random girl strangely dressed, coming with her mom, visibly. And I thought that she seemed to be kind. So once her mother left, I approached her.
And effectively, she was really gentle and funny. We were soon really friendly with each other. Her name was Yooa.
So, Yooa and I started to meet each other each morning and I can now tell that she became entirely my friend.
Days have passed, and I became friend with a guy. I directly felt a good vibe between us. He was tall, blond, and had a really beautiful smile. He told me that his name was Chan. Bang Chan.
So, Chan and I became best friends. He was like an older brother to me. We even began to play some music together. He was playing guitar, and I was singing. At the time, my voice wasn't fully grown up, so it was still so tiny. Now my voice is as deep as the ocean. Just kinding.
So, our little group of 3 was all of my life. But it began to grow bigger, and bigger. And now, I had so much friends. This feeling, of being accepted, was so good. Back in time, I just felt rejected by everyone. Not anymore.
With Yooa and Chan, we were going a lot in the music room to play together. It was so cool! I felt like being a star.
With Chan, we even had the idea of making a movie. Incredible right? The lore we had was so cool, but I was acting like shit. We were, actually.
The entire year passed so fast, and there's so much things that happened. I encountered other people, became friend with them. Some weird guys that weren't washing themselves everyday. They weren't really good looking, but they were kind.
And I started to notice this guy. He wasn't pretty at all, but at the time I thought he was. It made me think a lot about my sexuality. But I just encountered him 2 or 3 times and I didn't even knew his name. He was part of the group I began to have in the cafeteria, made with people from higher classes than mine. They were older than me but it didn't disturbed me.
But in fact, I never knew them well. And I think, now, that it wasn't a good thing to approach them.
This appart, we go back to school. I had good grades, so when classes ended, it was decided for me to go in science for my 2nd year. I was a bit scared, but well, I thought I would be with my friends.
One in my group became a really good friend of mine. His name was Minho. I always thought he was beautiful, but he was my friend. We shared mutual interest for animes. He recommended me an anime about volleyball.
This sport, I knew its existence but I actually never seen any of it. So I watched it, and it made me wanted to do some too.
Then, Chan asked me something and it made me feel weird. He wanted to know if we could see each others. I wonder why I thought he would ask me out. It made me panic inside, but I answered he could come to my house.
At the time, I wasn't really aware that, as a boy, I could love a boy. In fact, I knew it could happen, but, I wasn't figuring the fact that it could happen to me.
So when he came to my house and that we went to my room, I felt so bizarre when he declared. It was so sweet, but I wasn't really here. At the moment he said he loved me, I was far away, wondering about my entire life and remembering every moments we had.
It's true that there was a lot of moments I thought he was pretty. And cool. But I always thought of him as my brother, a really good friend, so I was very lost.
I looked at him, he was so stressed. I couldn't help myself but think he was cute. I think, in fact, that maybe I had a bit of interest in him.
- do you want to kiss me?
I asked him, but in fact, I was scared. I was scared to be disgusted, but I wanted to know what it would feel like. I wanted him to kiss me. Even if I didn't liked him the way he did. But he declined, because he really wanted me to like him back. If we kissed at that moment, what would have happen? Maybe my second year wouldn't have been so weird. Starting from there, summer's break wasn't as funny as I thought, because Chan and I barely talked. It made me sad. But I didn't know how to react, and I was so sad to make him feel bad, maybe it was my fault.
But soonly arrived the moment to enter in second year, and I was so scared to be alone again.
