There might be scenes that can make you uncomfortable, don't read if you can't handle it (Non-consent sex)
Here is the second year. And as I thought, I'm alone. But, there is a kind girl I encountered while doing music, that was with me. I went to her, and talked with her. She was funny, and was playing cello. In my eyes, she was a genius of music. And she is still now.
Her name was Ryujin. She was smaller than me, and god knows how I'm small for a guy. I was reassured to not be alone, but I was sad not to be with Minho.
We decided to play volleyball together, with a school program. It was so fun to play with him, it always made me smile. He was my bestfriend after Chan. But Chan wasn' t talking to me anymore, if it wasn't hello.
My weird friends invited me to a party. I went, and it was the first time to attend to a party like this. There were alcohol bottles, beers, and I wonder now if there wasn't any drugs. I, so young at the age of 14, felt excited and a bit afraid by this experience. I drunk a beer, and it was enough to make me go crazy.
I don't remember very well the party, if it's not the tree I hugged so strongly, saying it was my new bestfriend.
And there was this guy. You know, this guy, that I noticed the past year. His name, I don't recall it, maybe it was, Kim Hyeongji or something like that. I thought it was a good idea to go next to him to sleep. Like I would like to maybe, kiss him. Maybe? I wasn't really aware of what was happening. I was still drunk.
And he started to touch me. It was strange, and I didn't really liked it. But I was excited too. It was strange, because I thought directly that I had more pleasure with myself than with what he was doing. It made me uncomfortable.
I thought I would come to like it. I turned myself and made him kiss me. But, in fact, it disgusted me. The first words that came in my mind was, washing machine.
I was a little bit lost in my mind, and it was like I was watching the scene from ahead. I just wanted to sleep. He never asked me if I wanted this. Maybe would I have answered yes. I was so lost. It was the first time someone else was touching me.
He asked if we could go down the stairs to be alone. I said yes, in fact I was feeling like I was going to puke. We arrived at the 1st floor and I took a medecine.
We then went to the sofa, and he started to kiss me, again. I let him do it, and he asked me if I wanted him to suck me. I was lost. But I wondered what it felt, even if I was really embarrassed, so I said yes. So he licked. It made me feel so weird. I wasn't liking it at all. In fact, it disgusted me. I stopped him, and at this moment I wouldn't want to do anything more.
Thank god, he didn't forced. Thank god.
Morning came, and a friend saw us together. She asked if we were in a relation. If only she didn't asked that. If only. He said yes. I couldn't say no. I was so embarrassed. Now that I was looking at it again, I didn't found his face pretty at all. In fact, I just wanted to leave.
When Chan learned I was in a relationship, our relation became worse. He was feeling so bad, with no doubts. I felt like shit. Because more the days passed, more I thought my "boyfriend" wasn't my type at all. Wasn't someone I liked at all. My first boyfriend, 3 years older than me, that was just disgusting me. I stayed with him 6 months before I had the courage to tell him I wanted this to stop.
During this time, another person entered our group. His name was Changbin. He was dark but cute. I liked talking with him. It made me feel happy. But he was distant, so it took us the entire year to be real friends.
During one month, I was sick. Because of that, I didn't attend to class. Ryujin and another girl I encountered, who's name is Yeji, tried to send me all they learned during class, but it was very difficult to follow for me, I was tired all day.
I broke up with my boyfriend. I felt better.
Chan and Yooa began to go out together. I felt weird, as if something was wrong. I felt abandoned. But I said nothing.
Chan was really friendly with Changbin. I felt weird with this too. Well, it's normal. I lost my best friend in some way.
I began to be close to a girl from the weird group. But she was kind. Her name was Chaeryoung. We talked a lot. She was funny and cute. I think I liked her.
But at the end of year, Chan, who broke up with Yooa, told me he just began a relation with Chaeryoung. I felt bad. So bad. I cried all night after learning Chaeryoung liked me too for sometime but hadn't the courage to tell me.
The day after, I was tired, my eyes were puffy.
But the day after, I was feeling better. I was surprised by the way I felt better. Maybe I didn't like her that much.
I started to talk to a guy on internet. He was funny and made me laugh a lot. I felt happy while talking to him, and i soonly realised I was blushing when he complimented me. His name was Changhyuk. And I soonly realised I liked him. I even talked about it to a very good friend of mine.
After one month, I told him I liked him.
