A Part Of Me Is You

XXII: Solace

XXII

2022 January

Kwang Soo was in a deep thought, his hand under his chin, supporting the weight of his head. He pursed his lips once his head started forming an ideal reason to answer his confusion.

Joong Ki was waiting for his remark in his most relaxed state.

Shaking his head, reforming his thoughts as it got tangled at some point. Seconds kept passing and Joong Ki was silently enjoying sweet snacks in front of them. "Don't rush it, think it thoroughly. I won't mind you taking your time, my friend." He smiled cheerily.

The moment Kwang Soo formed the justification for his confusion, he uttered his words carefully, so as to not clutter his explanation. "Given that Chae Won is letting you see Jung Soo for three times now..."

"Fifth," Joong Ki proudly corrected.

"Okay fifth," Kwang Soo rectified his own mistake. "Something makes it fishy, like, she's still into you and with your interest in her son she's actually getting free access to seeing you."

Joong Ki suppressed a laugh even before Kwang Soo could finish his theory. Noticing how Joong Ki reacted, Kwang Soo squinted in refusal to his own guess, "Right? It's beyond illogical."

"It is," Joong Ki concurred. "Do you want me to give you a more convincing reason?" He offered.

Kwang Soo was skeptical about Chae Won's positive response to Joong Ki's invites. When Joong Ki and her broke up, it also was the time she cut ties with him. He never criticized her for her decision of doing so, instead, he understood her. Kwang Soo had always hoped Chae Won would be well, knowing that her separation with Joong Ki was a bad one.

"Chae Won being into me really sounds favorable I admit, but to be truthful, she just moved on and this relationship we are building these past months is called, mending a friendship."

A burst of a fake laugh escaped from Kwang Soo's wide opened mouth. "That's a lame cover up Mr. Joong Ki. Mending a friendship?" He faked a laugh once more, "We know it's just an overused excuse from past lovers to start anew."

"Then what's not an excuse to you? Chae Won fancying over the man who hurt her before?"

"Now that I think about it," Kwang Soo moved further away from Joong Ki slyly. "You are not worth fancying over." He knew he was gonna get some kind of beating so he swiftly brought a throw pillow at his upper level to protect his face from Joong Ki's attack.

Joong Ki's reflexes were fast but Kwang Soo's preparedness for the charge saved him from the tissue box that Joong Ki tossed towards him.

Kwang Soo lowered his cover when he felt the item already dropped on the floor, he knew Joong Ki was not so petty to keep bombarding him. Joong Ki though turned to be a little petty when he threw a pea he was going to eat at Kwang Soo as soon as he dropped his protection.

Despite being dazed, Kwang Soo caught the pea before it fell on the floor after it hit his cheek. He ate it and said, "Whatever her reason is, so long as you don't end up being the father of Jung Soo, it's fine. Because if so, it'll cause havoc." He innocently let those words escape his mouth. Totally clueless of the hidden reality.

*  *  *

A man and a woman danced on the empty dimly lit street. A smile that overflowed with admiration towards each other was plastered on their faces. Chae Won could almost recite every word they would be saying even before the characters utter their lines.

"How many times have you watched that movie?" Ye Jun inquired uninterestedly. He sat on the single coach with a cup of warm tea in his hand.

Chae Won placed her pointer finger vertically before her nose and shushed his brother, choosing to focus on the movie playing in front of her instead of his insignificant query.

Ye Jun turned his attention to the large tv screen playing one of Chae Won's go-to movies. He tried to get invested into the movie but even before a minute could pass he blew out a heavy breath. He decided against his initial decision, he knew it wouldn't work. Romance genres are never for him, he'd rather sleep than watch a romance, he once said to her. Bored, he decided to keep pestering his sister with anything he could think of. Then his curious mind suddenly came up with something, "Are you not meeting him today?"

"Who?" Chae Won asked indifferently.

"Jung Soo's father."

Chae Won held her breath for a moment as the mention of it caused to blur the images around her. She swallowed the tightness she felt on her throat. She blinked away her emotions and faced his brother. "We don't meet as often as you think we do."

Ye Jun held her gaze, "Is that a disappointment or I sense fear?"

Chae Won found herself again in a choking situation and Ye Jun could feel her tense up. "Tell me," he urged with a brotherly concern. "Come on noona, don't hang me up on the sidelines."

Chae Won bit her lower lip, she kind of felt sorry for making her brother feel unimportant that he still has to beg her for details. "I'm sorry Ye Jun," she apologized before taking a deep breath. "I thought that these meet ups with him would somehow help me be ready for what I am supposed to tell him," she bit her thumb's nail worriedly. "But then, these encounters started to add up to my worries."

There are hundreds of reasons Ye Jun could think of that would be a possible reason for his sister's fret, but he let her voice out her mind. Ye Jun believed that his sister needed to verbally say it and that somebody had to hear it, to hopefully ease up her troubles even just a little.

"How do I face Joong Ki oppa knowing I've hidden his son for the past six years?" She said guiltily. "My excuses won't patch up in any way."

"How do I tell Jung Soo? What if he'd hate me for not telling him sooner?" The thought of it broke her heart.

And a series more thoughts surely tears her multiple times. Her voice turned hoarse, "What if I made Jung Soo way too attached to his father but ended up being rejected?" Chae Won's eyes glittered with suppressed emotions, "Jung Soo is starting to get fond of him, Jung Soo..." A subdued sob she tried to hold escaped softly, "Jung Soo would be so hurt. How can a mother do that to her child?"

"How could I lead him to his heartache? What kind of mother am I?" A tear fell from her dejected eyes.

Chae Won sniffed, expressing her contempt towards herself. "And what's worse, at the end of the day I become selfish. What if he will take Jung Soo away from me?" She smiled painfully, her eyes pleading for a rescue, "I could not go on without Jung Soo."

Ye Jun felt a sharp object piercing through his heart. Watching her sister's current state, gave him all the feelings he needed to understand what she is going through. He was searching for the right words that could comfort her, but there wasn't really something that could beat a silent solace, he thought. Words would come in later. For the moment, Ye Jun offered a shoulder to cry on to.